


Fire Emblem: Three Houses: The Modern AU Chatfic

by Salty_Pistachios



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Child Abuse, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone bullies Dimitri, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It's gonna get a bit darker now, Multi, Other, Relationship(s), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, chatfic, let them love each other, they're all probably lgbt too, they're dumb, theyre all good friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-08-14 03:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20185504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salty_Pistachios/pseuds/Salty_Pistachios
Summary: Chivalry is Not Dead: I don’t think that they would intentionally fake a creeper attack….right?RedWhiz:....BlondeWhiz:.....Chivalry is Not Dead:....oh no...I just had a bad feeling…~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Or the Modern, everyone lives AU chatfic that we all wanted. This born from a love and desire for good interactions and an excuse to have characters love and care for each other!





	1. Introductions and  Minecraft Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! This is me just throwing out headcanons and loving these characters like nintendo wont let me! Thanks to a couple of pals who read this beforehand and encouraged this mess! Ash and Sam! Thank you both for your support!!

**EagleGorl has added Hubert, Caspar the friendly fighter, Singing in Bisexual, IamFerdinand, Sleepy in Seatlle, Starfire, and Purple Recluse to the groupchat.**

**EagleGorl has changed the chat name to: Black Eagle Bonding**

EagleGorl: Hello everyone! I added you all here because Dimitri and Claude have their own groupchats, and I thought us having one would be a really good idea! That way if any of us have any problems with homework or just want to chat, we have a way to talk! :)

Singing in Bisexual: oooooooh!!! Edie you’re such a genius!!! I can’t believe I didn’t think of this first!!!

Hubert: Another fine idea, My Lady.

Sleepy in Seattle: oh dear i can already feel myself being drained

IamFerdinand: Nonsense! This will be a good opportunity for us to bond! And Be better friends!!

Singing in Bisexual: nvm ferdie ruined this

IamFerdinand: That’s not nice, Dorothea :(

Singing in Bisexual: I know :)

Purple Recluse: But what if i wanna stay in my room instead

Caspar the friendly fighter: you can do that AND respond to us >:D 

IamFerdinand: _ Bond and be better friends, Bernadetta :) _

Purple Recluse: i’m sorry i asked…..

Starfire: Have fear not, Bernadetta! I am sure Ferdinand is just being humorous :)

Caspar the friendly fighter: Does anyone have the answers the professor’s calc homework 

Sleepy in Seattle: honestly caspar it’s not that hard when you just--- you know what nvm im comin over.

Caspar the friendlyfighter: Sweet! Bring some of that jerky i like

Sleepy in Seattle: Of course. Im no fool

EagleGorl: You better be helping Caspar and not just let him copy your answers, right Lindhart? :) 

Caspar the friendly fighter: UH NO MA’AM ILL DO ALL THE WORK

EagleGorl: Good! :)

Purple Recluse: how scary…..

Starfire: you are telling me that :(

Hubert: If it makes you feel better, Lady Edelgard likes singing show tunes when she’s alone :^)

EagleGorl: HUBERT!!!! 

Hubert: Next time don’t drink my favorite tea. 

Caspar the friendly fighter: idk about yall but seeing hubert actually…..tease edelgard is really strange

IamFerdinand: It is quite unusual.

Purple Recluse: oh to have the bravery for that

Singing in Bisexual: Oh Bernie! I just remembered that I found some of that embroidering floss you really liked and i got it for you!

Purple Recluse: really?? You really didnt have to do that…

Singing in Bisexual: It made me think of you! I’m coming to deliver it!

Caspar the friendly fighter: :eye emoji:

Sleepy in Seattle: :eye emoji:

IamFerdinand: :eye emoji:

Singing in Bisexual: I am not afraid to castrate all three of you with a rusty spoon

**Sleepy in Seattle, Caspar the friendly fighter, and IamFerdinand have all logged off.**

Singing in Bisexual: yeah that’s right

**PMS: Edelgard to Dorothea**

Edelgard: :eye emoji: 

Dorothea: EDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t make me call you out about 

your crush on professor Byleth

Edelgard: YOU WOULDN’T

Dorothea: *Image with the caption: Try me bitch*

Edelgard: >:OOOOOO

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Days Since Dimitri had his minecraft house exploded/vandalized: 27**

Dedue Sandstorm: Hello everyone, how is today faring?

RedheadHotBoi: i still can’t believe you kept the name that annette called you

Dedude Sandstorm: It is a good name. It made me laugh :)

RedWhiz: Awwwww! I’m glad you like it!

Flying High: Hey btw, has anyone seen Dimitri? I want to ask him about the professor’s biology assignment. 

Chivalry is not Dead: Oh! I think he was on our shared minecraft server! He said he wanted to try and find a new vein of diamonds or something.

BlondeWhiz: Oh no… that’s just asking for trouble…someone is gonna burn his house down again…

Chivalry is Not Dead: Oh come on now, Mercedes! I don’t think that it’ll happen a 5th time, and after it’s been so long!

I Studied the Blade: Ashe, you’re giving those animals a lot more credit than they should have. You remember how claude and hilda faked a creeper attack just to blow his house up?

Dedue Sandstorm: That was a tragedy for Dimitri. He had just found the painting he really liked for his art wall

Chivalry is Not Dead: I don’t think that they would intentionally fake a creeper attack….right?

RedWhiz:....

BlondeWhiz:..... 

Chivalry is Not Dead:....oh no...I just had a bad feeling…

RedheadHotBoi: Lion man coming in hot. Place your bets on how his house was destroyed/vandalized 

Flying High: um I’ll put 5 on normal tnt

RedWhiz: 5.60 on being set on fire

Dedue Sandstorm: I will place $7 on filling his chests with dirt and cobblestone

I Studied the Blade: $6 on his own hubris 

Chivalry is Not Dead: $6 on putting a dirt wall in front of his door

BlondeWhiz: hmmm I think I’ll put $10 on putting his swords and enchantment table into the nether portal.

RedWhiz: oooo you sound confident, Mercie!

BlondeWhiz: It’s just a feeling I have Annie!

RedheadHotBoi: Okay he has his phone aaaaaand…..

LionBoi: **THEY THREW MY DIAMOND SWORDS AND ENCHANTMENT TABLE INTO THE NETHER!!!!!!!!!!! GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!** ****

I Studied the Blade: shit. Would it kill you to not be so damn accurate

BlondeWhiz: It’s a gift :)

Dedue Sandstorm: Sylvain, if you will.

**RedheadHotBoi has changed the name of the chat to: Days Since Dimitri had his minecraft house exploded/vandalized: 0**

RedheadHotBoi: it was fun while it lasted. F

RedWhiz: F

Chivalry is Not Dead: F

BlondeWhiz: F!

LionBoi: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!**

I Studied the Blade: okay i’m coming you dumb boar

Lionboi: with cookies? The ones with blue icing?

I Studied the Blade: yes oh my god and yes we’re all coming to cuddle

Lionboi: thanks :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Hilda’s Hoes**

Deerboi: Alright then….time for a roll call

Deerboi: CREEPAH

Orange Chie: AW MAN

Pretty in Pink: AW MAN!!!

GreenPainter: Aw man!

HungerMan: aw man!!!

NobleLorenz: Aw man

White Bunny: aw man

Horsearemyfriends: Aw man…

DeerBoi: Alright hoes and hoettes. Someone’s gotta come forward.

Orange Chie: Whatever it is, it was Lorenz

HungerMan: it’s true i saw the whole thing

NobleLorenz: I am _ aghast _. I NEVER would do that!

NobleLorenz:......what did I not do

DeerBoi: Someone has yet again griefed dimitri’s house

Pretty in Pink: lol nice

Orange Chie: lol nice

GreenPainter: oh dear, what happened?

HungerMan: i think his enchantment table and his swords were thrown into the nether???

DeerBoi: Got it in one, Raph my man.

WhiteBunny: why the fuck should we care

Pretty in Pink: thts kind of lame compared to the fake creeper attack

HungerMan: how can a girl who’s so short be so vulgar

Horsesaremyfriends: you both still owe me for Dorte….

WhiteBunny: go eat a rat

Pretty in Pink: omg im still so sorry about that Mari! we can go and get those really pretty flowers you like????

Horsesaremyfriends:....bubble tea with it and we’re even…

Pretty in Pink: YAY! I cant wait! <3

DeerBoi: FOCUS everyone! We’re trying to weed out who did it this time.

Orange Chie: We???

DeerBoi: Yeah the professor asked me and edel to find the culprits because dimitri is crying again

GreenPainter: Normal crying or cookies and cuddling crying?

DeerBoi: Cookies and cuddling

HungerMan: oof thats rough

WhiteBunny: he’s too soft

NobleLorenz: I wonder if you or Felix insult Dimitri more…?

DeerBoi: Yeah he’s a little emotional today. SO thats why we’re trying to find the culprit. It wasn’t me or Hilda this time

Orange Chie: o ya? Why not?

Pretty in Pink: We were watching the professor! He was fishing!!

GreenPainter: ….Why were you watching the professor fish

DeerBoi: Have you _ seen _ him fish? It’s awe-inspiring

GreenPainter: Point taken

GreenPainter: It wasn’t me, Raphael, Leonie or Lysithea because it was our weekly Borderlands 2 night.

WhiteBunny: yeah we were grinding for the bee again. Cause SOMEONE sold it.

Orange Chie: I’m sorry!!! I forgot!!!

HungerMan: i just find it ironic that ignatz is the psycho still

GreenPainter: sometimes I wanna go apeshit, it’s not that complex.

DeerBoi: Okay thats good and all. Lorenz? Where were you?

NobleLorenz: I was having tea with Ferdinand again! The man really knows his teas

Horsesaremyfriends: marry him already then

Pretty in Pink: GOTTEM GET ROASTED 

NobleLorenz: >:(

DeerBoi: Okay, I know that’s true cause y’all are dumb about tea.

DeerBoi: So it’s not any of us!! Hooray!!

HungerMan: alright!!

Pretty in Pink: does that mean we can have our movie night tonight?

DeerBoi: It sure does hilda! Meet in the Golden Deer commons at 7! Tonight’s is Godzilla 2: King of the Monsters

Horsesaremyfriend: yay i love that movie :)

Orange Chie: I just got a heart attack someone send help marianne is too cute

HungerMan: oh no! Im comin leo!

GreenPainter: Lysithea and I are baking sweets for tonight’s movie

WhiteBunny: mercedes gave me the recipe and it’s gonna fucking rock your socks off

DeerBoi: Still not used to that...anyways see you all there!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Garreg Mach Teaching Squad (and Flayn)**

Professor X: Who threw all of Dimitri’s swords and enchantment table into the nether? Dimitri is sobbing about it and the blue lions are cuddling him

Fishy Flayn: lol it was me

Seteth: _ Flayn _

Your Boss: Lol nice one

Seteth: _ Principal Rhea please _

Professor X: you two are impossible. Flayn, you’re crafting him new swords, and I’m not taking you fishing tomorrow

Fishy Flayn: no :(((((( Bylethhhhhhh

Seteth: It’s a suitable punishment, Flayn. And Principal, you shouldn’t encourage this behavior!

Professor X: It’s fine, it’s her day off. 

Your Boss: Thanks Byleth :) Where’s your papa anyway?

Professor X: He’s out shopping, why?

Your Boss: Is he getting my snacks?

Professor X: ….. Yes he is…

Your Boss: Thank youuuuuuu

Professor X: Will I ever get a raise

Professor X: Aaaaaand she’s gone

Fishy Flayn: lol


	2. Does Byleth is Hot?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claude brings up the fact that their professor is hot, and the rest is chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me writing another chapter in less than a few days??? What on earth???
> 
> The writing bug has bitten me and I must soothe it
> 
> Thanks again to Icyne and Durandad for reading through this beforehand!!

**House Leads? More like House Weed**

DeerBoi: Okay, real talk babes: Professor Byleth. We all have the hots for him, yeah?

LionBoi: CLAUDE!!!! We shouldn’t be talking about our professor like that! He instructs us with grace and poise, and we shouldn’t be talking about him like this!!

EagleGorl: Yeah he’s very attractive, I must admit….

LionBoi: It’s disrespectful and

LionBoi: _ Edelgard what _

EagleGorl: Oh hush you dummy, I know you think the same!!

LionBoi:........okay yeah he’s pretty handsome…..have you _ seen _ the way he looks when he’s focused?

EagleGorl: yes we all have, Dimitri.

DeerBoi: Okay, we’re in agreement! Professor Byleth should rail us until the cows come home, yeah?

EagleGorl: A little on the nose, but yeah that’s basically true.

LionBoi: I still don’t think we should talk about this stuff so loosely.

DeerBoi: And why’s that blue boy?

LionBoi: _ I don’t want him to find out _

DeerBoi: Relax! He won’t find out! 

DeerBoi: But beyond that, I’m doing an experiment

EagleGorl: Oh god.

LionBoi: I don’t like where this is going…

DeerBoi: Friends, we have a mission! Ask your house members and see if they all want to bone the professor!

LionBoi: _ claude why _

EagleGorl: Why do you do this

DeerBoi: We’re all thinking the same thing, yanno. Might as well confirm!

EagleGorl:......Fine I’ll do it.

LionBoi: As much as I don’t want to ask, I will also participate because I am curious!

DeerBoi: So it’s settled! Everyone ask and confirm here later! Gold Leader out!

LionBoi: Blue leader out!

EagleGorl: This will end badly….Black Leader out!

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Days Since Dimitri had his minecraft house exploded/vandalized: 3**

RedHeadHotBoi: i’m just saying felix, you’re giving yourself worry lines with all the furrowed brows

I Studied the Blade: You set FIRE to our DORM!!!! _ Of course im gonna have worry lines and wrinkles _

RedWhiz: Damn Sylvie, how’d you do that???

Chivalry is Not Dead: I also have to wonder how….

Dedue Sandstorm: He walked in with a lit roman candle.

Flying High: Sylvain that is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard you do. And you hit on my grandma.

RedheadHotBoi: why do you always bring that up

BlondeWhiz: You kind of deserve it sometimes, dear.

RedheadHotBoi: can’t fight ya there, mercedes

LionBoi: Hello all! I have two questions!

LionBoi: What the fuck Sylvain?

RedWhiz: _ gasp _ Dimitri!! You _ cursed _!!

I Studied the Blade: Wow. How far you’ve fallen

RedheadHotBoi: F

BloneWhiz: F!

Flying High: F

Chivalry is not Dead: What was your second question??

LionBoi: Well….Claude asked me something and it made me curious….

LionBoi: Do you all think the professor…..is attractive? Like you’d date him?

RedheadHotBoi: i’d let him fuck me through a wall if he asked

BlondeWhiz: Oh same!!

RedWhiz: He’s always so thoughtful and kind…. And he never makes me feel bad about mistakes!!

Dedue Sandstorm: He is quite handsome.

Flying High: I’ll admit… he’s got good muscles and a really good smile….dammit i’d date the hell out of him...

I Studied the Blade: I’d fuck him sure

Chivalry is Not Dead: I wouldn’t use some of those words, but he is very nice and he was a winning smile…..! Oh no…...do I have a crush on the professor too?

RedWhiz: Yeah...you probably do

Chivalry is Not Dead: oh dear….

LionBoi: Ah I see. So we all have a crush on our professor….Claude was right then….

I Studied the Blade: Wait you have a crush on him too, Boar?

LionBoi: Yes I do. Is it hard to believe?

BlondeWhiz: Not at all, Dimitri! It’s quite valid!!

Dedue Sandstorm: Thank you for telling us, Dimitri :)

RedWhiz: Dedue’s smile could cure everything…

I Studied the Blade: I’m….calmer now…

LionBoi: Thank you, Dedue and Mercedes! I really appreciate your support! Felix go piss yourself

I Studied the Blade: thAT’S IT

RedHeadBoi: o fuck he just bolted.

LionBoi: He doesn’t even know whe

RedWhiz: Oh my god he killed him

Chivalry is Not Dead: Should we help Dimitri?

BlondeWhiz:.......My cookies are ready!

RedheadHotBoi: Nah he’ll be fine

Flying High: Dimitri will have to learn

Chivalry is Not Dead: Guess I’m getting Manuela again…

RedWhiz: Can you get me some gummy bears on your way back, Ashe??

Chivalry is Not Dead: Sure thing Annette!

LionBoi: HE FUCKING BIT ME

I Studied the Blade: AND IM ABOUT TO BEAT YOUR SKULL IN WITH A BALL PEEN HAMMER

Dedue Sandstorm: Some things will never change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Hilda’s Hoes**

DeerBoi: look alive, friends! i have a question to rock the ages

WhiteBunny: you mean you have a dumb question to ask

HungerMan: lysi, don’t be mean! Im sure it’s a good question

GreenPainter: Oh? What’s the question, Claude?

Pretty in Pink: Yeah! What is it?????

DeerBoi: Yes or no: The professor is hot?

Hungerman: see? thats a good question!

Orange Chie: o ya? then what is your answer??

HungerMan: isn’t it obvious? of course the professor is hot! 

Pretty in Pink: oh yeah! He totally is! He’s got very good muscles and arms! 

WhiteBunny: and how would you know?

Pretty in Pink: wouldnt you like to know ;)

NobleLorenz: Hilda almost tripped down the stairs and the professor caught her and her books before she fell all the way down

Pretty in Pink: Lorenz!!! I was trying to be mysterious >:(

NobleLorenz: ohhhhhh noooooooooo

Orange Chie: lol

WhiteBunny: lol

DeerBoi: FOCUS okay so that’s three for hot and the rest undecided 

GreenPainter: The professor is really smart and nice to be around! He helps me with my paintings when he gets the chance...and he is really pretty…

Orange Chie: its real weird to thirst after my mentor’s kid but….I’ve seen him workout and….hooo boy….

HungerMan: you can say that again...so strong...

WhiteBunny: he doesn’t treat me like a kid and takes me seriously….idk how he does it but he makes me butterfly…

DeerBoi: Then it’s just Marianne and Lorenz!

NobleLorenz: He is quite the charmer! Just the other day he brought my favorite tea and we talked for a couple of hours about the world. It was very enlightening and the way the sun reflected off his visage??? Breathtaking

Horsesaremyfriends:...........

DeerBoi: Yes, Marianne?

Horsesaremyfriends:.....I’d like to ride him like a horse….

Orange Chie: WHOA 

Pretty in Pink: i didnt teach her that!!

GreenPainter: Oh my!

WhiteBunny: (is she wrong tho….)

Hungerman: holy shit marianne

Horsesaremyfriends: i just wanted to be honest…..

DeerBoi: (no she isn’t)

GreenPainter: And we thank you for that!

DeerBoi: anyway, thank you all for your partcipation! The results are in and we all are thirsty for our professor!

HungerMan: alright!!!

Orange Chie: WHY are you cheering for that

DeerBoi: i’m gonna go report my findings to the powers that be. Toodles!

Orange Chie: powers that be? What does that mean? 

Pretty in Pink: who knows! It’s girl trip time! Come down to my room, Lysi, leo, and mari!

Horsesaremyfriends: yay :)

WhiteBunny: got the sweets!

Orange Chie: and i got the meats

NobleLorenz: And that means it’s the Golden Boys Teatime!

GreenPainter: Hooray!

HungerMan: Hooray! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Black Eagle Bonding**

IamFerdiand: I got some new tea today! Would anyone like to join me for some?

Singing in Bisexual: dont you usually get tea with Lorenz?

IamFerdinand: I would normally, yes. But today is a sacred day for him! It’s the Golden Boys Teatime! He has tea with Ignatz and Raphael! He treasures that time very much.

Starfire: It is very sweetness that Lorenz does that!

Caspar the friendly fighter: im not much for tea, but ill join ya!

Hubert: Hmm I think I will too. It would be nice to have time away from Edelgard for a change.

Singing in Bisexual: :eyes:

Caspar the friendly fighter: :eyes:

Hubert: I will not hesitate

EagleGorl: Well if I knew you didn’t want to spend time with me, Hubie, I’ll call off our planned lunch tommorrow :(

Hubert: Edelgard!

Starfire: Aha! You are in the trouble now!

Singing in Bisexual: oooooo shit hubie!

EagleGorl: Relax Hubert! I’m just kidding! See you at noon tomorrow :)

Hubert: OH thank god

EagleGorl: I do actually have something I’m curious about. Claude asked me and Dimitri the same thing and I want to know what you all thought on the matter.

IAmFerdinand: And what is that, Edelgard?

EagleGorl: Do you all think the professor is hot?

Caspar the friendly fighter: absolutely 100% no question

Singing in Bisexual: that was fast, caspie

Caspar the friendly fighter: i know what im about. you cant say you dont agree 

Singing in Bisexual: oh for sure i cant. Id suck him off any day of the week

Sleepy in Seattle: mood

IamFerdinand: Ah! Linhardt! Finally decided to join us? 

Sleepy in Seattle: Our phones woke me and Bernadetta up from our biweekly cuddles/painting days

Purple Recluse: i was having such a nice dream too….

Starfire: Oh! What kind of brain dream was it?

Purple Recluse:.....Im not telling…

EagleGorl: ANYWAY, I also agree that he is….rather attractive

Hubert: We know, My Lady. We Know.

EagleGorl: :(

Hubert: I must admit his charms are something else. I find myself calmer and less wound up around him.

Starfire: He is the very handsome man! I wish to show him my other marks from my homeland!

IamFerdinand: His knowledge on tea is remarkable! And he is a very strong fighter and brilliant teacher! It would be impossible to not harbor any feelings towards him

Purple Recluse: i really want him to just hold my hands...they seem really soft and warm…

Caspar the friendly fighter: (im going to have a heart attack now)

Singing in Bisexual: (me too)

Purple Recluse: stooooooooooop

EagleGorl: Bernadetta being adorable aside, I thank you for your input. It was very enlightening. Now I must be going!

Purple Recluse: wait….is she going to tell someone?!?!?!?!

IamFerdinand: I…..hope not.

Starfire: I am suddenly afraid

Sleepy in Seattle: cowards all of you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**House Leads? More like House Weed**

DeerBoi: Alright! Everyone report!

LionBoi: Some used rather colorful language but the answer is the same: Yes we would all like to date the professor.

EagleGorl: It’s the same for the Black Eagles.

DeerBoi: Then it’s a clean sweep! He’s attractive to all of the students! 

EagleGorl: And that’s a good thing, Claude?

LionBoi: Yes, I do wonder what your plan was.

DeerBoi: I’m glad you’re curious! Now it’s onto part 2: Who can get the most affection from the professor!

LionBoi: I do not like the sound of this, Claude.

EagleGorl: Nor do I.

DeerBoi: Whoever wins, gets to have dibs.

EagleGorl: YOU’RE ON

LionBoi: YOU’RE ON

DeerBoi: That’s what I thought. And go ahead and tell your other classmates! Make it much more interesting!

EagleGorl: They’ll be heartbroken when I win, but sure

LionBoi: I think you’ll be more heartbroken when _ I _ win

DeerBoi: This will be fun :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what'll become of these kids :3c
> 
> Anyways, I wanted to tell you guys the admins for the groupchats! Edelgard is for black eagles, Sylvain for Blue Lions, Hilda for Golden Deer and the teacher group chat admin is a mysteryyyy ooooooh
> 
> Thank you guys for reading this and I hope you guys will be here for next time!


	3. Contest: Start! Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor X: Hey you three. I have a question.
> 
> EagleGorl: Yes, Professor?
> 
> DeerBoi: yo teach!
> 
> LionBoi: We’d be happy to help!
> 
> Professor X: What’s with all your classmates? They’re acting all strange.
> 
> EagleGorl: What????nooooooooo definitely not!
> 
> LionBoi: Strange???? That’s odd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not only two chapters within 24-hrs, but actual writing???? I must be dead. 
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter!! Everyone is trying to get affection/give affection to the hottest professor on the block! Question is: Does Byleth even notice?

This week has been...strange for Byleth. For multiple reasons. For instance, all of his students have been acting strange around him lately. One example is that Dorothea asked for some help with some of her chemistry homework, and then decided to lean back into his chest, purring like a kitten. Or when Ashe slipped and fell into Byleth and gave him a hug. But the strangest is when Leonie tackled him to the floor and pinning him. After a few seconds, she turned red and then fled mumbling about something or other. 

Nothing made sense to the dark-green haired professor. So he decided to text the house lead group chat and see what was going on.

  
  


**Red, Blue, Yellow, and Green**

Professor X: Hey you three. I have a question.

EagleGorl: Yes, Professor?

DeerBoi: yo teach!

LionBoi: We’d be happy to help!

Professor X: What’s with all your classmates? They’re acting all strange.

EagleGorl: What????nooooooooo definitely not!

LionBoi: Strange???? That’s odd

DeerBoi: What are the strange things, teach?

Professor: Okay so you know how I give headpats

EagleGorl: My favorite reward, yes

LionBoi: We know Edelgard

Professor X: Well, I gave one to Caspar today and he nuzzled into it like a cat.

EagleGorl: huh. Good to know.

Professor X: And Annette gave me a huge hug today after I told her good job.

Professor X: and then she said….something and then ran off.

LionBoi: wh

LionBoi: What did she say

Professor X: I plead the fifth.

Professor X: Not only that, Lystithea made me some cake and after I tried it, I got icing on my cheek and she wiped it off and licked it from her finger.

DeerBoi: Oh she did huh? interesting

Professor X: So do you guys know anything about this stuff? I’m racking my brain and it’s not coming.

LionBoi: Nope! No idea! Not one!

EagleGorl: nooooooooo it’s so weird! Haha yeah wild

DeerBoi: oh my god y’all are horrible

DeerBoi: They mean they have no idea what’s going on at all.

Professor X: huh. Alright then. That is all. Have a good rest of the day and I’ll see you all in class.

DeerBoi: Seeya teach!

**House Leads? More Like House Weed**

  
  


DeerBoi: are you both  _ kidding me _

LionBoi: We’re sorry!! We don’t handle pressure well!!

EagleGorl: I’m going to PUNCH caspar for taking my headpats.

DeerBoi: We’re BONED if the Professor catches on about the bet!! Do better!

EagleGorl: Yes Claude

LionBoi: Yes Claude

DeerBoi: Good! Now come snuggle. It’s pokemon time.

EagleGorl: Lemme get my snorlax onsie

LionBoi: I have my pyroar one!!

DeerBoi: And I have sawbuck! Come on!! Hurry!

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the week continued, it became weirder and weirder. Ferdinand had held Byleth’s hand during a shopping trip claiming it was because he didn’t want to get lost. Mercedes had given him a back rub after he mentioned a cramp in his shoulder. Even Igantz was acting strange. Byleth had complimented his artwork and gave him a nice headpat, Igantz turned into a cherry and stuttered his thanks before running away.

Still so weird. So he turned again to a groupchat for answers. This time, the teacher groupchat.

  
  
  


**Rhea’s Bitches**

Siren’s Song: I’m just saying, Hanneman. Maybe if you stop butting into other people’s lives with your inane comments about how they should live, you’d find yourself a partner!

Dr. Hanne: And  _ I’m  _ just saying that if you stopped drinking and just tried with your natural charms, you’d probably have a mate!

Siren’s Song: Bold words from a ham man

Ham Man: Whatever do you mean?! You’re not even making sense

Ham Man:..... Of course you realize this means war

Siren’s Song: I’d like to see you try Ham Man!!!

Professor X:.....Aren’t any of you gonna stop this

Shamir’s Jock GF: lol no it’s too funny

Catherine’s Goth GF: same

Fishy Flayn: I’m told to not intervene

Seteth: I don’t have enough drinks to hand these two on a normal day

Bearalt: I’m not paid to deal with this

ThePunMaster: Why deprive everyone of entertainment?

Cyriously?: There’s no point. They’ll just do it again later so

Your Boss: As long as they do their work, I don’t care!

Professor X: Right okay

Professor X: Anyway, do any of you know why the students are acting so…..strange?

Siren’s Song: They’re all pretty strange normally, hun. You might have to be more specific

Professor X: Like….they all seem to be trying to….get closer to me I guess? Like for instance, Ingrid, she brought me some of my favorite foods the other day, and asked me to give her a hug in return. So I did cause why not and she clung for like 12 seconds

Ham Man: That IS strange! Especially for her.

Professor X: It gets weirder. Marianne asked me if I wanted to go for a horseback ride, and when we went outside from the polo fields, she had me cling her stomach and that amount of contact for her is usually not good! But she leaned into it and sighed happily

Shamir’s Jock GF: holy shit kid that’s wild

Professor X: IT GETS  _ WEIRDER _ . Hubert came up to me and straight up  _ kissed my cheek _ and I thought I was Jesus being betrayed by Judas.

Catherine’s Goth GF: no way

Professor X: I swear I’m cursed or something now.

Professor X: So does anyone else know what’s going on?

Bearalt: I may have an insight to that.

  
  


**PM: Rhea to Jeralt**

Rhea: Tell him  _ anything  _ and I’m not getting your favorite pizza tonight.

Bearalt: I suddenly remembered that I don’t have an insight. Sorry Kid.

Professor X: Damn. Thanks anyway, Papa. Wanna go fish here in 10?

Bearalt: You bet, By. See you then.

Bearalt: Okay’s he’s offline. What the fuck, Rhea.

Your Boss: I like the entertainment, Jeralt, dear.

Siren’s Song: I mean it was nice of the students to let us know, but it stinks that we can’t participate. I’d like a piece of that ass for myself ;)

Ham Man:....I must agree. He’s quite the knowledgeable man. And handsome to boot!

Cyriously?: Professor Byleth is pretty goodlookin

Fishy Flayn: I concur! He smells like old oak trees and lavender!!

Seteth: He’s using the cologne I got him…? How kind…

Seteth: Also Flayn!!! Do not attempt to court the professor!

Fishy Flayn: why? Do  _ you _ want him instead? 

ThePunMaster: :eyes:

Seteth: I must go

Siren’s Song: HOYL SHIT

Shamir’s Jock GF: If I wasn’t already in love with ol grumpy puss, I’d be all over him

Catherine’s Goth GF: …..we can share him.

Shamir’s Jock GF: YES YOU’RE A GENIUS

Bearalt: Please kill me, rhea.

Your Boss: Can’t do that~ 

Bearalt: Dammit maybe next time

Your Boss: Let the kids have their fun! Come, we have a date to keep~ 

Bearalt: If you call pizza and paperwork a date then sure.

Fishy Flayn: :eyes:

ThePunMaster: :eyes:

Cyriously?: :eyes: 

Siren’s Song: :eyes:

Bearalt: Rhea shoot me now

Your Boss: ~<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right! Manuela is the admin for the teacher groupchat! Why not Rhea? Well, Rhea figured it would be better for someone more active to manage it!
> 
> Also I figured now would be the time to talk about Garreg Mach University!
> 
> It's basically the monastery except it's now a university, so you'll see monks and nuns roaming as well as the students.  
Professor Byleth is the homeroom professor, biology professor, and communications professor for all of the students (yes I know it's not how universities work, but it's what I'm doing so there) while Hanneman is chemistry and history and Manuela is the nurse and teaches literature and physics. Jeralt is Rhea's personal secretary as well as the assistant coach to Alois and Catherine. Seteth is the Vice principal and guidance counselor. Alois is the sports coach for every sports team with Catherine and Jeralt. Catherine is the other coach with Alois, and Shamir is the sports physician to the teams. Cyril and Flayn attend the school but are not associated with any of the main classes. They both help out around the campus doing chores and odd jobs with everyone else. 
> 
> I'll give additional info about the rest of the students in the next chapter since this was mostly a teacher-centric chapter!
> 
> Thank you all for tuning in, and I'll see you next time!!


	4. Results and Revenge Plots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy in Seattle: whatever you say. all i did was talk about projects with him until we fell asleep in the library. he rested his head on my shoulder. it was nice.
> 
> Hubert: Edelgard, you shouldn’t make such a…..scary face. It’ll get stuck like that.
> 
> EagleGorl: Oh no no! It’s fine Hubert. What did you do???
> 
> Hubert: oh uh
> 
> Caspar the Friendly Fighter: he kissed the professor on the cheek
> 
> Hubert: BETRAYAL! ILL HAVE YOUR H
> 
> Singing in Bisexual: hubie is dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consistency? Never heard of em
> 
> ANYHOW, thanks for reading chapter 4 of this metaphorical train wreck! 
> 
> This current arc is almost at it's close and then I'll be taking a brief break to write a couple of other fics that I've been bouncing in my head! (not near as fluffy as this one, trust me)
> 
> As always, thanks to Icyne and Durandad for reading and testing it!!

**Hilda’s Hoes**

  
  


DeerBoi: CREEPER

Pretty in Pink: AW MAN

WhiteBunny: aw man

GreenPainter: Aw man!

Orange Chie: AW MAN!!!

NobleLorenz: Aw Man

HungerMan: aw man!

Horsesaremyfriends: aw man..

DeerBoi: cool! Since everyone is here now i need a status report on how the week went with everyone’s attempts at getting affection! Who wants to start?

HungerMan: I’ll go!! I shared a meal with the professor and he gave me a shoulder hug!

DeerBoi: keeping it simple! I like it

Pretty in Pink: chiiiiild’s play, raphie. The professor actually held me!

WhiteBunny: what she means is that she fell again and the professor caught her again

Pretty in Pink: i mean….yeah…

GreenPainter: He gave me a compliment on my art, and a headpat! Although, I had to run away because I was embarrassed…

Orange Chie: ughh that’s better than me. I  _ tackled _ the poor guy and pinned him like nala and simba from the lion king…

NobleLorenz: Now, that’s not too bad, Leonie! 

Orange Chie: ya it wasn’t until i accidentally grinded on his leg…

Horsesaremyfriends:.....lucky….

DeerBoi: HOKAY wild ride in two ways for that one… what about you Lysithea?

WhiteBunny: he was eating cake and had some icing on his cheek so i wiped it off with my finger and licked it.

HungerMan: hardcore!! Thats pretty bold!

WhiteBunny: why thank you, Rapheal! :)

HungerMan: :)

NobleLorenz: Puh-lease, I beat you all out with my teatime! I had him hold my hand as we discussed great things!

GreenPainter: That does sound pretty idyllic!

Orange Chie: sounds gay

NobleLorenz: 1.) It was! 2.) It was ;)

DeerBoi: Classy as always, Lorenz! Marianne??

Horsesaremyfriends: um we went on a horseback ride and he clung onto me and it was real nice…

Pretty in Pink: wow, Mari! That’s cute as hell!!

Horsesaremyfriends: thank you :)

DeerBoi: as cute as that is, i think i won in our house! How? That’s easy! I kissed the professor!

GreenPainter: Wow!

Orange Chie: No way!! Didn’t happen!!

HungerMan: aw hell yeah! Go get him claude!

DeerBoi: Yeah that’s right, bow to me

Pretty in Pink: :3

DeerBoi: oh hi hilda

Pretty in Pink: >:3

DeerBoi: OH GOD NO WAIT

Pretty in Pink: He tried to kiss him but slipped and ending up falling facefirst onto the desk.

DeerBoi: hildy…..why….

Pretty in Pink >:3cccccc hehehehehhe

Orange Chie: so the winner in our class is….?

Pretty in Pink: Marianne!!   
  


Horsesaremyfriends: wait what…?

Horsesaremyfriends: I won??

GreenPainter: Good job!!

HungerMan: very proud!

WhiteBunny: good work, marianne

Orange Chie: hooray!!!

DeerBoi: As i am loathe to admit it, I lost! But great job!! I’ll let the other house leads know and maybe you’ll come out on top!!

NobleLorenz: (Hopefully in more ways than one mmmmmmhmhmhmm!)

HungerMan: niceeeeeee

Orange Chie: niceeeeee

WhiteBunny: niceeeeeee

Horsesaremyfriends:....thanks guys…:)

DeerBoi: Anytime! Anyways, meet in common room for movie night! Leonie chose Hobbs and Shaw!

Orange Chie: It’s full of action, cars, one-liners, and Idris Elba!!

NobleLorenz: That man is a solid gold specimen of a man.

WhiteBunny: and how

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Black Eagle Bonding**

Singing in Bisexual: Hubieeeeeeeeee you can’t run from meeeeee

IamFerdinand: Hm. That’s very unnerving, Dorothea. Why are you doing this?

Purple Recluse: Dorothea….. That’s scary….

Singing in Bisexual: oh! I’m sorry bernie! I didn’t mean to scare you :((

Singing in Bisexual: oh and die ferdie:)

IamFerdinand: Never surprised with you.

EagleGorl: Bullying Ferdinand aside (eat dirt bitch boy), why are you taunting Hubert???

Hubert: Oh thank god you’re here, Edelgard. She’s trying to kill me!

Singing in Bisexual: oh stop it! I’m just trying to get him to smile a  _ normal _ smile! not the sadistic smirk he always has

Hubert: Like I said.

Starfire: The natural smiling would be looking good on you!

Caspar the friendly Fighter: it would def make u less scary

Sleepy in Seattle: rt

Hubert: ugh i give up

EagleGorl: Oh lighten up, Hubert! It’s all in good jest!

EagleGorl: Anyway, that’s not why I came in this time. I wanted to see how our little contest turned out….?

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: ugh...can we not? 

Singing in Bixesual: what? embarrassed that you nuzzled into his hand like a wittle pussy cat!

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: aw shuddup! at least i didn’t purr into his chest during class!

Singing in Bisexual: :gun:

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: :reverse gun:

Starfire: Oh! The contest! I went to the village festival and we did the dancing! :D it was much fun!

IamFerdinand: Precious as always, Petra! However it is me, Ferdinand Von Aeigr who has won! Why? Because I held the professor’s hand for our entire shopping trip!

Purple Recluse:.....how was it?

IamFerdinand: Soft, warm, and also rugged and callous…

Sleepy in Seattle: Ferdinand is now blushing fyi

IamFerdinand: So what?!?

Sleepy in Seattle: whatever you say. all i did was talk about projects with him until we fell asleep in the library. he rested his head on my shoulder. it was nice.

Hubert: Edelgard, you shouldn’t make such a…..scary face. It’ll get stuck like that.

EagleGorl: Oh no no! It’s  _ fine _ Hubert. What did  _ you  _ do???

Hubert: oh uh

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: he kissed the professor on the cheek

Hubert: BETRAYAL! ILL HAVE YOUR H

Singing in Bisexual: hubie is dead

Starfire: oh no! :(

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: f

Sleepy in Seattle: f

IamFerdinand: ….Anyhow, I think Bernadetta was the last one? 

Purple Recluse: oh nooo it wasn’t all that special! it’s fine really!

Singing in Bisexual: oooooo come on bernie!! Spill!!

Purple Recluse: oh FINE!

Purple Recluse: well, i tried to give him a hug just to say i did something, but then i slipped and fell and knocked his coffee onto his workshirt…

Starfire: Oh no! That is not good :(

Purple Recluse: naturally, i panicked and fled to my room, crying about how im unmarriagable, you know the usual

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: oh no honey….

Purple Recluse: the professor, being as nice as he is, followed me and eventually coaxed me out of his room...i was crying and saying things and you know…

Singing in Bisexual: Bernie…..

Purple Recluse: and then out of nowhere, the professor gives me a hug!! And then he……

Sleepy in Seattle: Yes?

Purple Recluse:.......kissed me…

IamFerdinand: Holy shit!!

Singing in Bisexual: O M G!!!!!!

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: WHOA

Starfire: :O!!!!

Purple Recluse: no no!!!! Wrong idea! He just….kissed the top of my head and said it was okay!!! nothing crazy!!

EagleGorl: Okay! I’m back!

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: where’s Hubert?

EagleGorl:  _ :)  _

Singing in Bisexual: well now im scared AND horny

Sleepy in Seattle: rt

EagleGorl: Anyways, I think it’s safe to say that Bernadetta wins!

Purple Recluse: wait what??? Really??

IamFerdinand: Congratulations!

Singing in Bisexual: woohoo! I knew you could do it!

Sleepy in Seattle: good job

Starfire: Hooray! You have did it!

Purple Recluse: wow guys…! Thanks..!

EagleGorl: Now that that’s settled….Bernadetta?

Purple Recluse:....oh no...you’re gonna kill me too?

EagleGorl: No! I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to my room with the rest of us…? Maybe we can have another midweek cuddle pile..?

Purple Recluse: oh! ummm sure! i’ll be over soon

EagleGorl: Good!! And I expect the rest of you here as well!

Singing in Bisexual: Including Hubert?

EagleGorl: He’s already here :)

Sleepy in Seattle: how ominous…

IamFerdiand: How ominous…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


**Days Since Dimitri had his minecraft house exploded/vandalized: 10**

  
  


RedheadHotBoi: y’know….this chat name needs something….new…

**RedheadHotBoi has changed the chat name to: expose annette time**

  
  


RedheadHotBoi: thts better :)

RedWhiz: oh my GOD sylvain

I Studied the Blade: what are you doing now.

Flying High: sylvie, what the fuck is this

BlondeWhiz: Why are we exposing Annie???

LionBoi: Yes, I also have to wonder.

RedheadHotBoi: oh im soooooo glad you all asked.

RedWhiz: sylvain please have mercy

ReheadHotBoi: I’m sure we’re all aware of the little “get-affection-from-professor-byleth” contest, yeah?

Dedue Sandstorm: Yes, we are all aware. We spent some time gardening this past week, and he gave me a headpat for a job well done. It was nice. :)

BlondeWhiz: Oh! That sounds wonderful, Dedue! I gave him a back massage after a long day! He’s very muscular!

Chivalry is Not Dead: That sounds better than what I did… I accidentally slipped and fell into a hug and I was too embarrassed to say anything so I ran away…

Flying High: damn that sucks

Chivalry is Not Dead: You’re telling me

I Studied the Blade: what about the boar

LionBoi: Oh! All we did was go to tea with each other and talk about life. It was very peaceful!!... it also helped that I gave him a hug afterwards and he reciprocated.

I Studied the Blade: psh. thats nothing. he and i went for a sparring session for the fencing team and he complimented me on my swordplay. 

RedWhiz: You were a mess the rest of the day I bet!!   
  


I Studied the Blade:.....shut up…

RedheadHotBoi: idk if you’re the one who should be roasting people rn, annette

RedWhiz: you BULLY!!   
  


Flying High: it can’t be  _ that _ bad Annette! If it helps, I tried to be a chivalrous knight and kissed his hand after I opened the door for him….

Chivalry is Not Dead: Wow! How noble!!!

Flying High: It’s embarrassing…

RedheadHotBoi: not nearly as embarrassing as annette’s

RedWhiz: Oh yeah?! What about you?! What did you do???

RedheadHotBoi: We went to his favorite fish restaurant, baked goodies, and had a flour fight ;)

RedWhiz:.....I see….

BlondeWhiz: Who knew Sylvain was a romantic!

Flying High: my granny sure does

RedheadHotBoi: let that go

Flying High: perish

LionBoi: Anyways, Annette, it cannot be  _ that  _ bad! Just tell us and it’ll be fine!

LionBoi: Honesty is always the best policy in things of this nature!

LionBoi: And this contest is a show of bravery!!

RedWhiz: I HUGGED HIM AND CALLED HIM DADDY ALRIGHT!?!?!

LionBoi: So I’m sure whatever it is-

LionBoi:.......oh my god

I Studied the Blade:.....damn

BlondeWhiz: Oh my! I forgot about that side of you!   
  


RedWhiz: please dont bring it up ;_:

Dedue Sandstorm: Ah. I See.

Flying High: yeah...yours was way worse

Chivalry is Not Dead: Okay….not what I expected

LionBoi: That's.....that's pretty rough, Annette.

RedWhiz: Don't remind me...

Lionboi: So, I think our winner would be Mercedes or Sylvain?

Dedue Sandstorm: I think I will save everyone the time to type and say we want Mercedes to win.

BlondeWhiz: Oh! I don't know if that's fair...

Flying High: no no it's perfectly fine! otherwise we have to listen to sylvain bragging about it.

BlondeWhiz: If I must!!!

RedheadHotBoi: HOO that was a nice bathroom break. What'd I miss?

RedheadHotBoi: .....HA DADDY KINK

LionBoi: I can hear him cackling.

RedWhiz: Im gonna kill that bitch

RedheadHotBoi: oh fuck

I Studied the Blade: haha get fucked bitch boy

Flying High: lol

BlondeWhiz: In all seriousness, let’s be honest! We all have a daddy kink, yes?

Flying High:.....

I Studied the Blade:.....

LionBoi:.....

Dedue Sandstorm:.....

Chivalry is Not Dead:.....

RedheadHotBoi:.....

BlondeWhiz: And with Annie and I, that’s all of us! So it’s okay, Annie! :)

RedWhiz: awwww thank you Mercie!!

RedWhiz: I’m still kicking Slyvain’s ass tho

I Studied the Blade: Better start running, “sylvie”

RedheadHotBoi: i am i am. Meet you later for ice cream?

I Studied the Blade: duh.

RedheadHotBoi: ;)

RedheadHotBoi: OH NO shsesaskldjfaskldjf

LionBoi: Rest in Peace Sylvie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


**Rhea’s Bitches**

Professor X: So. Who knew

Siren’s Song: Why, Byleth! Whatever do you mean?

Professor X: Don’t play coy. The students had a “secret” contest to see who got the most affection/took me on the cutest date.

Catherine’s Goth GF: we all did

Fishy Flayn: Shamir!!! Don’t tell on us!!!

Cyriously?: I mean we probs shouldn’t lie cause that’s not cool

Ham Man: We knew nothing of the sort!

Shamir’s Jock GF: lol I was wondering when you’d find out

ThePunMaster: It was all in good fun!

Professor X: None of you are free from sin.

Your Boss: Not even me? :3c 

Professor X: Especially not you, Principal Rhea

Your Boss: Aw man :(

Bearalt: Sorry Kid. I tried to warn you

Professor X: Oh go suck a worm, dad I know Rhea bribed you

Fishy Flayn: gottem lol

Catherine’s Goth GF: lol

ThePunMaster: lol

Shamir’s Jock GF: I do gotta ask: how’d you find out?

Professor X: Cause the house leads were talking about it last night after curfew. I found them outside in their pajamas discussing it. After I heard enough, I came around and played dumb and told them to go to their dorms. And that’s how I found out

Bearalt:......im getting a drink

Siren’s Song: oooo I’ll come with you!   
  


Seteth: I think not. You and I have a date of our own. That being me lecturing you on proper alcohol consumption.

Siren’s Song: NOoooooooooo please not that!!!!   
  


Ham Man: I think the appropriate saying is “Perish”

Siren’s Song: I’m going to set fire to your paperbacks.

Professor X: ANYWAYS, I’ve decided: I’m not mad.

Cyriously?: You’re not?

Fishy Flayn: Why not?

Professor X: Cause I’m about to get revenge in the best way possible.

Professor X: Giving them more affection and confusing them even more.

Your Boss: Good luck and please no heartbreak.

Professor X: Don’t worry. I’m about halfway sure they’d want to share me like the gremlins that they are.

Ham Man: No I don’t think-

Ham Man: Actually, you’re probably right

Shamir’s Jock GF: Yeah that’s def the truth. Good luck professor! And don’t forget mine and Shammy’s offer, kay?

Catherine’s Goth GF: :)

Professor X: WELL LOOK AT THE TIME I GOTTA RUN

Fishy Flayn: Oooooh! I bet he was blushing like a ripe tomato!

ThePunMaster: Oh he certainly was! Ha!

Bearalt: coming back here was a fucking mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will this become a harem fic or will I just have byleth tease everyone into eternity? Will i ever make a huge groupchat with all of the students???
> 
> Answers to these questions (maybe), and more next time on Dragon Ball Z!!!
> 
> Seeya next time!


	5. The Professor's Revenge Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LionBoi: I am this close to pulling the trigger, Claude.
> 
> EagleGorl: Hold on, you don’t mean….
> 
> DeerBoi: we talked about this buddy...we can’t do that…
> 
> LionBoi: I HAVE TO KNOW IF EVERYONE ELSE IS EXPERIENCING THE SAME THING
> 
> EagleGorl: Then we’ll ask in our GCs!
> 
> LionBoi: THERE IS NO TIME!!!!!
> 
> DeerBoi: oh fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay for this one! It was a bulky chapter! But after about 4600 words, I DID IT
> 
> We finally get to see how the professor gets his revenge :33333333CCCCCC
> 
> An As Always, thanks so much for Icyne and Durandad for their constant support and thoughts!

**House Leads? More Like House Weed**

  
  


LionBoi: I’M HAVING A CRISIS

DeerBoi:  _ youre  _ having a crisis? I’M having a crisis!!!

EagleGorl: You both know  _ nothing  _ of panic.

DeerBoi: wait wait wait is the professor flirting with y’all too?

LionBoi: YES

EagleGorl: Yes he is.

DeerBoi: holy hell. That’s pretty fuckin wild.

LionBoi: I am  _ this _ close to pulling the trigger, Claude.

EagleGorl: Hold on, you don’t mean….

DeerBoi: we talked about this buddy...we can’t do that…

LionBoi: I HAVE TO KNOW IF EVERYONE ELSE IS EXPERIENCING THE SAME THING

EagleGorl: Then we’ll ask in our GCs!

LionBoi: THERE IS NO TIME!!!!!

DeerBoi: oh fuck

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


**LionBoi has added 23 people to the groupchat**

**LionBoi has named the groupchat CRISIS**

  
  


EagleGorl: Oh my god. He’s lost it…

DeerBoi: This can ONLY end poorly.

Singing in Bisexual: ooooooooo a groupchat? With EVERYONE?!!?

Pretty in Pink: now it’s a party!!

BlondeWhiz: Oh! Hello everyone! It’s really nice to see everyone here!

I Studied the Blade: oh my god what did the boar do

WhiteBunny: this is gonna be a shitshow

Purple Recluse: so many people hhhhhnnn

GreenPainter: oh! Hey guys! 

IamFerdinand: Fear not, Bernadetta! It shall be okay!

Dedue Sandstorm: I do not see this ending well.

Hubert: I must agree.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: aw hell yeah! bout time this was a thing!

HungerMan: you said it buddy!

Purple Recluse: oh man… there are a lot of people here idk if i want that

Horsesaremyfriends: i must agree

LionBoi: EVERYONE

LionBoi: IVE MADE THIS TO ASK YOU ALL SOMETHING

DeerBoi: oh no

EagleGorl: oh no

Pretty in Pink: fear

Singing in Bisexual: fear

Sleepy in Seattle: fear

LionBoi: WHO HERE HAS BEEN FLIRTED WITH BY PROFESSOR BYLETH

RedheadHotBoi: oh shit dude

NobleLorenz: Oh my! 

BlondeWhiz: Whatever do you mean, Dimitri??

DeerBoi: lemme explain. Our big blue lion has been….flustered for the past few minutes like me and Edel. So he thought it would be a “good idea” to make this groupchat and ask everyone if they felt victimized by the professor’s charms as well.

EagleGorl: Yes. That is essentially correct.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: it’s safe to say that all of us have been victimized by the professor

Flying High: but I think he means more than usual. which I think it’s a yes from all of us.

EagleGorl: Now that is curious… would we all care to share? I would go first of course.

Chivalry is Not Dead: I must admit I am curious…

I Studied the Blade: this is stupid.

Pretty in Pink: ur stupid

DeerBoi: GOTTEM

RedheadHotBoi: YEET

I Studied the Blade: you are all ridiculous.

Hubert: Yes, you’re all pretty. Now Edelgard, shall we continue? I do want to see how the professor flirts with everyone. It might prove...enlightening

IamFerdinand: Hubert, I must say that you are acting suspicious as hell right now.

Hubert: :)

IamFerdinand: I am afraid.

EagleGorl: ANYWAYmine is rather…. embarrassing… but I said I would go first so here it goes: the professor kept praising me on my work, athletics and such, and compliments from him always make me blush however, he said something the other day that was more….direct

EagleGorl: I went into his office and asked him some questions on our extra credit assignment and he smiled that way he does 

RedWhiz: yeah! That smile always gives me chills!

RedheadHotBoi: I wonder why ;)

RedWhiz: I will kill you

EagleGorl: After he assisted me, he praised me on my hard work and dedication..and then he said

Pretty in Pink: im literally on the edge of my seat

Singing in Bisexual: girl same

EagleGorl: “You know, you receive praise easier than others...I wonder what else you receive better..” And then he walked away

Orange Leonie: DAMN that’s….really good…

HungerMan: smooth as hell!

Sleepy in Seattle: update: caspar is bright red.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: NO IM NOT

DeerBoi: damn Edel! thats certainly brave of you to go first

EagleGorl: Yes, yes. Thank you, Claude. Who will be next? 

Deerboi: it’s only fair if I go next, yeah? 

DeerBoi: so I was at teach’s desk asking questions about a history assignment as usual. I an attempt to recover from my….blunder last time, I flirted with him again. This time he shot back

Pretty in Pink: by “ blunder” he means he tried to kiss the professor but slipped and fell facefirst on his desk

EagleGorl:......I must go.

Hubert: Edelgard. Please. 

Hubert: Let me handle it.

Purple Recluse: cmon guyss, thats not nice,,

EagleGorl: Alright then. I will refrain.

DeerBoi: thank you bernie!

Singing in Bisexual: who said you could call her that

DeerBoi: Bernadetta*

Singing in Bisexual: better!!!

DeerBoi:....right….ANYWAY

DeerBoi: He looked up at me after my flirt and leveled me with that coy smile he has and said “Now Claude, you should be careful or else” he stood up and leaned in close “You’ll fall for me again”

Horsearemyfriends: oh my….

NobleLorenz: Oh dear.... That’s …..well

DeerBoi: right!?!? and I thought  _ I  _ was smooth.

DeerBoi: anyway, blue man, you’re next

LionBoi: Dedue has helped calm me down and I am ready to share

RedheadHotBoi: oooo i can’t wait to see what the professor did to dimitri

I Studied the Blade: knowing the boar, he probably short-circuited

Dedue Sandstorm: Do not spoil the story.

LionBoi: So, the professor and I went on another tea session and he got my favorite tea for the occasion as always.

LionBoi: We were having a delightful conversation when Professor Byleth gets a look in his eyes and smiles around his cup before saying

LionBoi: “You know, Dimitri. Felix calls you a raging boar. I wonder if he means just in sports or in….other areas as well. Guess we’ll have to find out.”

Flying High: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Pretty in Pink: holy shit

Starfire: How flirtatious!!

GreenPainter: Oh gosh! I would faint!

LionBoi:......

RedWhiz: dimitri dont tell us…

LionBoi: I was so flustered, I couldn’t help it!! His voice had this low growl with it and

Dedue Sandstorm: He is freaking out once more. I will return shortly.

I Studied the Blade: called it

DeerBoi: oof poor guy. now that that’s over with, who’s next???

WhiteBunny: i’ll go i guess.

RedWhiz: ooooo go for it Lysi!!

NobleLorenz: I am quite curious..

WhiteBunny: the professor and i were baking and i got icing on my face. but instead of using a finger and licking it off like i did, he….kissed me on the cheek were it was and whispered, “Maybe one day, we can lick more icing off each other, what do you say?”

HungerMan: damn sis! 

Sleepy in Seattle: i admit, im curious to see how you responded

WhiteBunny: i admit i turned red, but then i responded “Name the time and place, Byleth,” and walked off.

HungerMan: DAMN SIS!!!!!!

Pretty in Pink: how does the youngest one have the most balls

DeerBoi: im both disturbed and impressed

Singing in Bisexual: holy hell, lysithea!!!!!

WhiteBunny: yeah im pretty fucking good at this

Chivalry is Not Dead: I’ll be honest, I’m not sure any of us can follow up on that!

Starfire: I would like to attempt to go next!

Casper the Friendly Fighter: hell yeah, petra! go for it!

Singing in Bisexual: can’t wait!!!

Starfire: Professor and I had a time at a dance! We had fun and drank! He did the dip with me and his hands scratched my back and I could not have stifled the moaning that came from me! Professor had the noticing and said “You like it rough? Let’s see how rough we can get” and I was doing the blushing and stuttering all night!!

EagleGorl: Oh my! I didn’t realize you were one for pain, Petra.

Starfire: Yes! It is called the kink I think?

RedheadedHotBoi: that’s right!

RedWhiz: thanks for sharing!

DeerBoi: damn! That’s some spicy shit! Alright, who is next??

Flying High: ugh i’m just gonna get it over with

I Studied the Blade: this’ll be interesting

RedheadedHotBoi: you’re telling me

LionBoi: I’m back….again. And I’m intrigued!

Flying High: great. Perfect.

Flying High: well i was talking to the professor after class and saying how much I adore old knight tales

Chivalry is Not Dead: So just another day for you, huh?

Flying High: youre one to talk

Flying High: anyway, after I was done all he said was “I could be your knight in shining armor, if you’d let me.” me, being the smart person i am, turned red and immediately ran out the door.

Flying High: so there you go

I Studied the Blade: that was pretty sweet

RedheadHotBoi: felix complimenting someone? it must be a blue moon

LionBoi: I never expected someone like Felix to compliment!

I Studied the Blade: oh go fuck yourself. both of you disgust me

NobleLorenz: Before you ruffians start fighting again, I shall grace you all with how the professor courted me!

Orange Chie: oh barf

Singing in Bisexual: who let lorenz have rights again

BlondeWhiz: Now, now everyone! Let’s not be mean to Lorenz! Give him a chance to speak his mind!

NobleLorenz: Why thank you Mercedes! I truly do appreciate your kindness!

BlondeWhiz: You’re welcome :)

NobleLorenz: Moving on, the professor courted me while we were at tea saying how I “Probably taste even better than the tea” and then he pecked me on the cheek. I was red for hours!

Singing in Bisexual: oof now i feel kind of bad cause that was sweet. 

Orange Chie: yeahhhh, sorry lorenz

NobleLorenz: It is quite alright! Teasing is good for friendship! :)

DeerBoi: when did Lorenz become so nice

GreenPainter: Probably because of our tea times! We’ve talked a lot about such things!

HungerMan: yeah! he’s been doing a lot better!

NobleLorenz: And I have the both of you to thank for that!

RedWhiz: That’s so precious!!!

EagleGorl: I find myself...agreeing. It’s very sweet.

IamFerdinand: It is time for Ferdinand Von Aegir to share his story!

EagleGorl: And as usual, Ferdinand ruined it.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: way to go

Hubert: Bitch.

IamFerdinand: I am aghast!! How mean :(

Singing in Bisexual: aw guys! ferdie can’t help that he has one braincell! be nice!

IamFerdinand: I expected to be loved, and yet I am not surprised.

IamFerdinand: That will not deter me, however!

IamFerdinand: I was off in the kitchen honing my baking skills so I can make some really tasty tea cakes and coffee cakes for future tea/coffee times.

Pretty in Pink: hmmmm who likes coffee here

Sleepy in Seattle: :thinking:

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: :thinking:

Orange Chie: :thinking:

IamFerdinand:  _ cease _

IamFerdinand: Anyway, I was baking and the professor came in and we had a chat.

IamFerdinand: I allowed him to try a bite of them and he gave me a wide smile and said that they were just as sweet as I was.

Purple Recluse:...wwas that why you were really red…..???

IamFerdinand: …..yes

Starfire: That is the most cute, Ferdinand! 

GreenPainter: It’s very cute!

IamFerdinand: Thank you! I thought it was very precious.

HungerMan: man, we’re on a roll! i can’t wait to see who’s next!!!

RedheadedHotBoi: felix should go next :^)

I Studied the Blade: fuck you

RedheadedHotBoi: rock paper scissors for who goes next

I Studied the Blade: youre on

Orange Leonie: wait are you two with each other rn

RedheadedHotBoi: ye

I Studied the Blade: yes

Orange Leonie: why

RedheadedHotBoi: dont worry about it

I Studied the Blade: dont worry about it

Singing in Bisexual: hm gay.

WhiteBunny: gay.

RedheadedHotBoi: doesnt matter cause I WON

I Studied the Blade: goddammit

I Studied the Blade: We were sparring for fencing practice and I tripped and fell into his arms and he said “I guess you’re falling for me huh” and I pushed him off and went away.

I Studied the Blade: there, happy?

RedheadedHotBoi: very much so

Horsesaremyfriends: that was very cute, felix :)

Flying High: what a tsundere you are

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: yeah ur totally a tsun

I Studied the Blade: thank you Marianne. fuck you both.

RedheadedHotBoi: ill go next since grumpy went

RedheadedHotBoi: so I was with the professor when I saw a cute girl, so naturally I went up and started flirting with her. 

LionBoi: Disappointed but not surprised

Chivalry is Not Dead: disappointed but not surprised

RedheadedHotBoi: supportive as always

RedheadedHotBoi: well i struck out of course. Then the professor came up to me and whispered in my ear

RedWhiz: …...AND????

RedheadedHotBoi: “You’d probably have more luck if you tried it with me, Sylvie.” and just

RedheadedHotBoi: walked away.

RedheadedHotBoi: i was a statue for a good 2 minutes

I Studied the Blade: damn the professor got you good

BlondeWhiz: Didn’t he also get you good too, Felix?

I Studied the Blade:......... no comment.

HungerMan: oooo! I wanna go next!!

DeerBoi: go for it, big man!

HungerMan: okay so the professor went out of his way to cook me up a big meal of my favorite foods and worked out with me!!

WhiteBunny: that’s really sweet, Raph!

Horsesaremyfriends: yes it is very cute…!

Sleepy in Seattle: rt

HungerMan: awww thanks guys!! He really warmed my heart!

Sleepy in Seattle: caspar should go next

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: WHAT no way!!!!

Sleepy in Seattle: do it and i wont use you for my tests

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: so this is how the professor flustered me

Pretty in Pink: no hesitation….

LionBoi:....Just how bad are these tests??

Sleepy in Seattle: No comment.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: we were fishing together and i caught a nice one and showed the professor right? naturally the professor gave his usual headpats.

EagleGorl: Hm. 

Hubert: Edelgard.

EagleGorl: Fine.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: im not one to turn down perfectly good headpats, so i lean into it and shit. Then the professor throws a curve ball and starts scratching behind my head where my neckline is and i almost fucking moaned. 

EagleGorl: HM.

Hubert: EDELGARD PLEASE.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: yall done? good. anyway i ran away blushing for like ten years.

Sleepy in Seattle: can confirm. was burning up for the rest of the day

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: exposed? by my best friend? wow

LionBoi: You get used to it.

Sleepy in Seattle: i’ll go next then.

Sleepy in Seattle: I was studying in the library with the professor. I started to fall asleep cause I stayed up with research. 

GreenPainter: You should really rest more, Linhardt! 

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: yeah man. we’ve talked about this.

Sleepy in Seattle: yes yes i know. thank you both for the concern.

Sleepy in Seattle: regardless, the professor literally scooped me up, carried me all the way to my dorm, tucked me in and kissed me on the forehead. 

EagleGorl: Pardon me for a moment. I’m going to stay up very late.

Hubert: Not on my watch.

EagleGorl: dammit

DeerBoi: jeez edel, jealous much?

EagleGorl: I will castrate you.

DeerBoi: HOKAY WHO’S NEXT

Dedue Sandstorm: I will go next.

Dedue Sandstorm: The Professor and I were gardening. He was helping me plant some nice flowers of my homeland. He picked up one of the smaller blooms saying that it didn’t look as good as I did. He said all that with his gentle smile. It was very nice :)

BlondeWhiz: That’s very sweet, Dedue!

GreenPainter: Oh! Dedue! I’ve been meaning to paint some of those flowers. Are they all planted as of now? 

Dedue Sandstorm: Yes, they are. You are more than welcome to visit and paint them.

GreenPainter: Thank you so much!

Chivalry is Not Dead: I would like to go next, if possible!

Flying High: go for it, ashe

Chivalry is Not Dead: It’s actually quite similar to yours, Ingrid! The professor and I were reading about knights during tea time and he looked up and said “I’d let you be my knight in shining armor. I mean you’re already great at giving hugs,”

RedWhiz: that’s absloutely adorable!!!

Chivalry is Not Dead: It really was! I thought I was going to combust!

Pretty in Pink: oh oh! Me next!! 

WhiteBunny: this is gonna be interesting

Pretty in Pink: i actually made the first move

Singing in Bisexual: oooo how very bold

DeerBoi: yeah until you know what happens next

Pretty in Pink: SPOILERS!!!!

Pretty in Pink: anyway

Pretty in Pink: The professor was eating pudding cups during a break between lectures and i waltzed up to him and posed on his desk (as you do) and then asked

Pretty in Pink: what that mouth do

RedWhiz: no fucking way!!!

BlondeWhiz: *gasp* Annie!!

I Studied the Blade: what the fuck she can’t swear. Shes baby

RedWhiz: im 23!!!!

NobleLorenz: You heard the man. You’re baby.

RedWhiz: What the fuck!!!!!!

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: oh my god the world is ending

Pretty in Pink: aHEM 

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: sorry

NobleLorenz: My apologies

BloneWhiz: I’m sorry, Hilda!

I Studied the Blade: whatever

Pretty in Pink: ANYWAY

Pretty in Pink: after i said that, the professor looked at me with a blank expression, took a pudding cup (vanilla), opened it, proceeded to  _ look me in the eyes while eating it with just his tongue _

Orange Chie:.........

WhiteBunny:.........

Singing in Bisexual:..........

EagleGorl:...........

BlondeWhiz:............

Purple Recluse:...........

Flying High:...........

Starfire:............

RedWhiz:..........

Horsesaremyfriends:......dibs

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: hOLY AKLDFN

RedheadedHotBoi: FUCKASDJKH

DeerBoi: holy shit mari

Pretty in Pink: EKADFJKASDJKFALSDHKFAJHKSD MARIIIIIIIIIII

EagleGorl: Can she do that?!?!

Singing in Bisexual: godammit why didnt i think of that

LionBoi: Oh my. How unexpected

GreenPainter: Alright!!! I’ll go next!!

Orange Chie: oh thank fuck

I Studied the Blade: go next or i’m sharing your secret “item”

Orange Chie: fuck fine okay. dont expose me.

DeerBoi: :eyes:

GreenPainter: I asked the professor to help me look at a painting I had finished earlier, and he helped me critique the piece and then afterwards, he said that I could use him as a model. I, of course, thanked him. After that, he said, “I’m sure you’d make me into a wonderful nude painting.”

HungerMan: WOOOOO GET IT BRO!!!! 

GreenPainter: Haha! Thanks Raphael! I was blushing for the rest of the day. I was asked at least ten times if I had a fever!

DeerBoi: thats real sweet/kinky Iggie. now im curious about leo over there.

Orange Chie: fuck i guess i gotta

Orange Chie: okay so the professor and i were practicing for mma 

Singing in Bisexual: back up, theres MMA here?

Caspar the Friendly Bisexual: uh yeah. its me, raph, and leo. sometimes felix 

HungerMan: yeah! its a great workout!

Orange Chie: please let me get through this before i commit die

HungerMan: oh! sorry leo!

Orange Chie: its chill

Orange Chie: so we were sparring and i FINALLY pinned the guy and im on top of him and professor has the fuckin nards to say, “I take it you like being on top”

I Studied the Blade: and? what did you do in response?

Orange Chie: felix please dont do this to me

I Studied the Blade: you know I dont joke.

Orange Chie: just becasue i accidentally ate your super rare super spicy jerky?

I Studied the Blade: it was a  _ gift _

RedWhiz: awww! I’m glad you liked it!

I Studied the Blade: yeah well. it was good. so there.

I Studied the Blade: anyway just do it leo

Orange Chie: FFUCK

Orange Chie: I turned red and unconsciously…

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: the anticipation is killing me

Orange chie:..... Moaned and grinded on him again…..

I Studied the Blade: there it is

Singing in Bisexual: BRAVER THAN ANY SOUL

Sleepy in Seattle: caspar is currently wheezing and cannot type

Starfire: Oh goodness! 

EagleGorl: brb

Hubert: Nope.

IamFerdinand: Hubert has his job cut out for him today!

Hubert: She’s stubborn. 

DeerBoi: why are all of you so fucking horny

WhiteBunny: wait how did you know all this felix

I Studied the Blade: I saw the whole thing

Orange Chie: excuse me while i fucking die

WhiteBunny: f

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: f

RedheadedHotBoi: f

RedWhiz: F!

Dedue Sandtorm: F.

LionBoi: Back on topic: I think that leaves just Annette, Mercedes, Hubert, Dorothea, Bernadetta, and Marianne?

BlondeWhiz: Oh! Annie and I will go next!!

RedWhiz: wait we will?

BlondeWhiz: Sure! It’ll be fun!

RedWhiz: oh….nooooooo.

BlondeWhiz: So! The professor and I were having a lovely chat while baking one day, and we were talking about the various sugars in a cake we like to make!

DeerBoi: that rhymed!

BlondeWhiz: And while it was baking, I mentioned how I loved to bake with my mother and he commented saying how one day I could become a real sugar mommy! We shared a laugh and it just finished baking! As he was taking his portion back, he leaned in really close and whispered “You could be my sugar mommy anyday, Mercie.” I thought I would faint!!

NobleLorenz: Oh goodness! What a rascal!

Orange Chie: fuckfuckfuckfuck

WhiteBunny: what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!

GreenPainter: It feels really warm out today!

RedheadedHotBoi: hooooooo boy

BlondeWhiz: Oh come now! It’s okay!

BlondeWhiz: Your turn, Annie!

RedWhiz: oh actually you see i gotta walk my goldfish.

BloneWhiz: Annie! Don’t lie!

LionBoi: Please don’t make, Mercedes sad!

RedWhiz: ughhhhhhhhhh fine!

RedWhiz: I actually went to apologize for calling the Professor….that name

RedheadHotBoi: what name? Daddy?

WhiteBunny: holy shit annette!

RedWhiz: I will flush your socks down the toilet.

RedheadHotBoi: I apolgize.

RedWhiz: good. 

RedWhiz: so i went and apologized and he laughed it off and gave some headpats to me.

RedWhiz: as i was leaving, he caught up with me and said, “Though, I could be your daddy, if you wanted it.” And i’m pretty sure i passed out from embarrassment.

BlondeWhiz: See! That wasn’t so hard!

RedWhiz: youre soooooo lucky i love you mercie

BlondeWhiz: And I love you too!!

EagleGorl:...Is anyone else weak in the knees from that?

Sleepy in Seattle: oh we all are for sure. anyone who says otherwise is probably lying

WhiteBunny: rt

Hubert: Perhaps it’s my turn now. 

IamFerdinand: I can only imagine what Hubert has done.

Hubert: Silence bottom.

WhiteBunny: lol gottem

Singing in Bisexual: get wrekt ferdie

IamFerdinand: :(

Hubert: The professor saw me after a particularly ...exhaustive study session at 6 in the morning on the way to my next lecture. He brought me a cup of my favorite coffee. He said it was mixed with love, and then he returned the kiss on the cheek I gave him.

Starfire: Oh! That explains the redness in your face all that day!

Hubert: Yes… the professor has a way with kindness I suppose.

EagleGorl: I see.

Hubert: Edelgard, we can’t keep doing this.

EagleGorl: No, No. It’s fine. 

EagleGorl: Shall we continue?

Singing in Bisexual: oooooo it’s my turn!

I Studied the Blade: gee i wonder how this turns out.

Singing in Bisexual: hush!

Singing in Bisexual: so the professor and i were at choir practice and he noted how wonderfully i sang. 

Singing in Bisexual: of course, i thanked him, telling him how if we got married he could hear this voice whenever he wanted to.

RedheadedHotBoi: smooth as always, dorothea

Singing in Bisexual: thank you sylvie ;)

Singing in Bisexual: but the professor was ready and shot back with “I wonder how melodic you sound after hours,”

Singing in Bisexual: so i said, “Why don’t you find out one day?”

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: shoooooot sister that’s as bold as lysithea!

WhiteBunny: a sister in arms

Pretty in Pink: hey!! wasn’t mine bold?

DeerBoi: maybe if you weren’t so struck afterwards, it would’ve been.

Pretty in Pink: oh fuck you right

LionBoi: That’s almost everyone. I think it leaves only Bernadetta and Marianne.

Horsesaremyfriends: um i can go. 

Purple Recluse: aare you sure?? i can go if youree uncomfy with it..

Horsesaremyfriends: no its okay. i’d rather get it over with 

Horsesaremyfriends: the professor and i were out practicing horse riding again and after we’d dismounted he said….

Horsesaremyfriends: if i wanted to ride something or someone rather than Dorte, then just call him. I could barely look at him…. I was very embarrassed

Pretty in Pink: oh wow! that’s pretty good!!!

Sleepy in Seattle: i must admit, that is a good line. it’s certainly got caspar flustered.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: damn exposed again huh

Hubert: How heartbreaking

DeerBoi: then it just leaves our favorite purple haired recluse!

Purple Recluse: oh man, the last one? thats a lot of pressureee

Singing in Bisexual: it’ll be okay bernie! if anyone makes fun of you, i’ll snap their arms!

Purple Recluse: really? that makes me feel better :)

Flying High: damn who let the sunshine out

Dedue Sandstorm: My day is better now

Purple Recluse: so my story is that i was having a bad day so the professor came and brought me a cake and we ate it. And then i started crying about….things and he came and helped calm me down until i went to sleep

Purple Recluse: after i woke up, he left me a teddy bear :)

Caspar the Friendly Fighter:........

Singing in Bisexual: Yes, Caspar? :) Something to Say?:)))

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: oh no no, i was waiting for edelgard to get jealous again

EagleGorl: As much as I would like to get a teddy bear from the professor, Bernadetta deserves it more than me :)

Purple Recluse: you guysssssss !!!! i dont deserve you!!!

DeerBoi: now my teeth are about to fall out from sugar overdose

DeerBoi: anyway, are you feeling better, blue cheese man? over your dumb panic?

LionBoi: I hate that your nickname makes sense. But yes, I am quite alright. It seems that most everyone has had their fair share of trouble with the professor’s flirtations.

Orange Chie: thats an understatement….

Flying High: tell me about it

StarFire: Indeed

Chivalry is Not Dead: At least we have this nice new grouphchat with all of us now! It’ll be fun!!

I Studied the Blade: or a shitshow

NobleLorenz: Quite.

HungerMan: nahhhh it’ll be fine!

  
  


**RedheadedHotBoi has changed the groupchat name to The Yeehaw Clan**

  
  


HungerMan: hm! maybe not!

WhiteBunny: lol

EagleGorl: Oh god Dimitri, what have you wrought

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


**PMS: Byleth to Sothis**

Byleth: So that’s how my week went. 

Byleth: It was really fun to fluster those kids and maybe

they’ll learn not to test their professor

Sothis: Ha! That was fun to read!

Sothis: Although I have to wonder…

Sothis: How did you not get into trouble?

Sothis: Those flirts would come off as...sexual in nature

Byleth: Ever since Rhea made the announcement  about professors can date students, she doesn’t seem to care

Byleth: But I’m pretty sure she just wants grandkids

Sothis: So you finally admit that they’re together

Byleth: I don’t like the idea of my old man fucking my boss

Byleth: But they’re happy so I am too

Sothis: I have yet to meet Jeralt. I’ll have to do that when  I move there.

Byleth: Wait, hold on. 

Byleth: You’re coming down here?! To live?!

Sothis: Oh, have I not mentioned?

Sothis: I’m coming on as an adjunct student! Directly under you

Sothis: It must’ve slipped my mind ;3

Byleth: Directly under me, huh? Cheeky.

Sothis: That’s why you love me!

Byleth: Sure.

Sothis: We can always catch up more when I come back 

Sothis: Among...other things ;3

Byleth: If Rhea knew that I flirt with her Niece constantly

Byleth: She’d probably kill me

Sothis: I mean probably.

Sothis: But what’s life without danger!

Sothis: By the way, are you ever going to talk to that security  officer you like so much?

Sothis: “Professor! Nothing to report!”

Sothis: That one?

Byleth: Oh look, it’s how much I want to push you into the pool

Sothis: You’d like that, huh ;3c

Byleth: Oh Hush

Byleth: Hm.

Sothis: ? Byleth?

Byleth: You ever get a bad feeling?

Byleth: Like something is about to happen?

Sothis: Sometimes. 

Sothis: But you may be overreacting, Byleth.

Byleth: Hm. You’re probably right.

Byleth: Call in a bit? I miss your voice

Sothis: Huh! That’s sappy!

Sothis: But give me a few and I’ll call.

Byleth: Thanks <3

Sothis: Of course <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatever could that mean??? :3C
> 
> And yes there will be more Sothis AND Gatekeeper in the future! Sothis is 20 and is affectionate with the professor. They really don't like labels as much so they're just hangin
> 
> (and yes I am aware of the change that I made to their family tree!)
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! I really do appreciate every comment and kudo left on this work! It truly warms my soul!
> 
> I'm going to put this on the back burner for a bit to work on two other fics.
> 
> One is already out and it's called Guardian Moon Lament! 
> 
> The other is gonna be a brand new work that doesn't have a title. That one will be more of an actual fic instead of a oneshot or a chatfic!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and have a good one!


	6. It's Always the Happy Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some at students at Garreg Mach University are more observant than others realize. Others not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *******MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE MENTION/ATTEMPT, SELF-HARM, AND ABUSE*******
> 
> Please be wary of these when you're reading. Take care of yourselves.

**The Yeehaw Clan**

  
  


Starfire: Sylvain!

RedheadedHotBoi: you requested my presence, my dear Petra ;)

Flying High: oh dear  _ god _

Singing in Bisexual: can’t wait to see how this goes!

GreenPainter: Aw, come on guys! Be nice!

Starfire: Yes, I was having curiosity as to why you’re wearing a… big long shirt?

EagleGorl: Flannel

Starfire: Yes! A flannel! Why are you wearing one?

RedheadedHotBoi: oh its because i love how to shows off my casual demeanor ;)

LionBoi: But… it’s at least 80 degrees fahrenheit outside, my friend…

Pretty in Pink: ew id be sweating my ass off in that

BlondeWhiz: Oh, that would be just terrible!

RedheadHotBoi: well sometimes we just have to suffer for our fashion! ;)

I Studied the Blade: oh please. we all know that when you wear shirts like that, you roll the sleeves up

I Studied the Blade: why change now

WhiteBunny: yall sure are concerned about his fashion choices.

Horsesaremyfriends: long sleeves…?

RedheadedHotBoi: I wanted to mix it up! nothing wrong with that! 

Flying High: it still doesn’t make sense

Purple Recluse: ccome on guys,,, lets respect his fashion choices,,

Starfire: I am very much sorry! I did not expect this outcome…

RedheadedHotBoi: you’re okay. It happens!

Flying High: im sorry. I didn’t mean to push

I Studied the Blade: yeah me too.

RedheadedHotBoi: oh now you two are going to make me blush! Im sure you guys can make it up to me by getting tea with me? ;)

Flying High: i changed my mind fuck you

I Studied the Blade: i changed my mind fuck you

Dedue Sandstorm: What a lovely friendship.

  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Garreg Mach Support Group**

  
  


**Horsesaremyfriends added RedheadedHotBoi to the chat**

  
  


Horsesaremyfriends: Sylvain.

RedheadedHotBoi: whoa whats this?? A new chat? dont we already have a ton?

WhiteBunny: yes. but this one serves a very specific purpose.

RedheadedHotBoi: yeah the chat name definitely says that.

RedheadedHotBoi: who’s all in here anyway?

Horsesaremyfriends: me, lysithea, bernadetta.

Purple Recluse: hi

RedheadedHotBoi: hey bernie

RedheadedHotBoi: but you guys shouldn’t worry about me! Im doing just fine! 

Purple Recluse: you know theyre right… you never wear long sleeves on hot days...if you do, you always roll them up…

WhiteBunny: sylvain, you’re worrying us. just tell us

RedheadedHotBoi: i promise that nothing is wrong, okay?? I just wanted to try something else out today!

LionBoi: Sylvain.

RedheadedHotBoi: what the hell?! I thought it was just you three!?!

Horsesaremyfriends: we lied

LionBoi: You shouldn’t lie to people.

RedheadedHotBoi:....

RedheadedHotBoi: haha saw right through me, huh?

RedheadedHotBoi: it was just an impulse. it doesn’t happen often! Im fine i promise.

WhiteBunny: how fresh

RedheadedHotBoi:....

LionBoi: Sylvain. Please.

RedheadedHotBoi:...last night. 

Purple Recluse: sylvain…

Horsesaremyfriends: didn’t you have to take a call..?

LionBoi: I remember! You said it was from…

RedheadedHotBoi: yeah it was my older brother.

LionBoi: Sylvain..

RedheadedHotBoi: but its none of anyones business what happened. So leave it alone.

Purple Recluse:.....

Purple Recluse: I tried to kill myself once.

RedheadedHotBoi: bernadetta..?

Purple Recluse: it was just after a phone call from my dad...he called me useless, worthless, unmarriageable, disgusting, and…

LionBoi: Deep breaths.

Purple Recluse: and a number of other slurs…

RedheadedHotBoi: im so sorry. I never knew…

Purple Recluse: my dad is a very conserative person…

Purple Recluse: and after that, I decided to take my own life…

Purple Recluse: im...very lucky dorothea has no sense of politeness when it comes to just waltzing into my room.

Purple Recluse: she saw the gun in my hand and stopped me. 

Purple Recluse: I never cried so hard in my life. 

RedheadedHotBoi:....christ…

WhiteBunny: im terminal. i only have a few more years left. maybe 6 if im lucky.

Horsesaremyfriends: i was abused by my adoptive father. Physically and emotionally.

LionBoi: You already know my story, Sylvain.

RedheadedHotBoi: thank you for trusting me but why tell me at all

Purple Recluse: the first step into healing is talking about it and admitting that there is something wrong.

WhiteBunny: you need help. that’s why we invited you into this chat. To help heal

RedheadedHotBoi: and i appreciate it, i really do, but im okay!

RedheadedHotBoi: I just wanted a tiny bit of release! i promise it wont happen again

LionBoi:.....fine. 

RedheadedHotBoi: thanks again for trusting me. i wont tell anyone i promise. 

RedheadedHotBoi: ill be leaving! Seeya!!

  
  


**RedheadedHotBoi has left the chat.**

  
  


Horsesaremyfriends: im worried…

LionBoi: Me too Marianne. Me too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Rhea’s Bitches (and Sothis)**

  
  


Professor X: Hey, has anyone…. Noticed anything about Sylvain lately? 

Beralt: How do you mean, son?

Siren’s Song: Now that you mention it, he has been acting off lately.

Green Goblin: Sylvain...you mean that skirt-chaser, Bylie told me about??

Professor X: Yeah, that one.

Your Boss: Bylie, huh :eyes: 

Fishy Flayn: :eyes:

Cyrilously?: :eyes:

Professor X: Cease.

Ham Man: He’s been a lot more absentminded as well! He usually pretty good about studying!

Seteth: I concur. This is unlike him.

Shamir’s Jock GF: im sure the kid’s just having a bad week? it happens!

Catherine’s Goth GF: maybe.

Professor X: I’m not so sure. Something feels wrong. 

Green Goblin: I understand where you’re coming from. Something makes me feel ill at ease.

Your Boss: Hm. Very well.

Your Boss: I’d say schedule an appointment with him and see where that goes. 

Professor X: Hopefully that’ll work.

Siren’s Song: I hope it does. It’s not quite as bright anymore…

Ham Man: I find myself agreeing with you Manuela. Hopefully it doesn’t get any darker than this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**The Yeehaw Clan**

  
  


DeerBoi: and then  _ I  _ said, that’s not a deer, that’s a lion!

Chivalry is not Dead: That makes no sense, Claude :(

Sleepy in Seattle: yeah that was kind of dumb

Pretty in Pink: BOOM roasted

HungerMan: thats not a deer! Thats a lion! Ha! Classic!

DeerBoi: nice to know that  _ someone _ appreciates me!

WhiteBunny: god why are all you up at this hour. Its 3:23

DeerBoi: i could ask you the same thing, shortstack

WhiteBunny: i will shred your shoes.

I Studied the Blade: whe re professor

HungerMan: uhhh you okay there felix?

Pretty in Pink: it’s unlike you to be this frazzled in text

I Studied the Blade: PROFESSOR NOW.

DeerBoi: Whoa. Calm down! What’s going on?

Flying High: felix? whats going on..?

I Studied the Blade: its sylvain

I Studied the Blade: hes not breathing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I love Sylvain with ALL of my heart!!
> 
> This was kind of a trip for me to write. Mainly cause im drawing upon some of my personal experience! (im okay tho promise!)
> 
> There WILL be a happy ending...at some point.
> 
> Also just for future reference, there will be more triggering topics at some point. So please be careful. I will do my best to warn you all of them.
> 
> Thanks for Reading!!!


	7. Reassurances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth rushes and prays he's not too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL I TRIED MY BEST!! 
> 
> I know some things about medical stuff, but not enough to know about this. I tried to research but it didn't help out a ton.
> 
> This one is actually a lot more actual fic than chat! This is mostly to get a lot of the heavier technical things out of the way.
> 
> Well without further ado, HERE YA GO!!!

Byleth was up late that night. He was finalizing some new reports for Rhea to be delivered later that day, but he had stayed up a little too late. He groaned softly, stretching his limbs, listening to the bones pop. 

“Mmmm! Never get tired of that,” he yawned a bit, closing his laptop and was about to turn off his desk lamp when he heard a frantic knocking on his door. Byleth was immediately on alert. After all, nothing good happens at 3am. He made his way over to the door and looked through the peephole and saw the form of Claude, his face plastered with uncharacteristic worry.

“Teach, open up! It’s a real emergency!” Claude urged, his voice raising a tad. Byleth’s neck hair stood on end. Claude never sounded that distressed. Ever. Byleth unlocked and opened his door. 

“Claude, what’s going on?” Byleth asked, frowning. He heard other doors open up in his hall and saw Manuela on his left and Hanneman on his right, both in their sleep clothes. 

“Claude, you must realize that a queen needs her beauty sleep!” 

“Quite. I must have adequate rest before I begin tomorrow's lessons!” They both complained aloud at the same time. Byleth kept his focus on Claude, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“It’s Sylvain. He’s not breathing.” The three professors were wide awake as soon as he finished. Byleth sprang into action.

“Take me to him. Now. Professor Hanneman, wake up my dad and Rhea and inform them of the situation. Professor Manuela, come with me, I have a feeling we’ll need your medical knowledge.” They professors nodded and Hanneman ran back into his room to call Jeralt and Rhea. Manuela, Claude, and Byleth all ran out of the teacher dorms and made their way across the grassy quad to the students dorms. 

Byleth prayed that they made it in time.

~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before too long, the three had arrived at the students’ dorms. He could see Hilda and Ignatz underneath the soft yellow lamplight, worry struck across their faces. Hilda looked to be on the verge of tears. 

“P-Professors…” Hilda started, before she cut herself off, her voice cracking a bit. 

“It’s okay, Hilda. Is he in his room?” Manuela asked the pink-haired student. 

“Yes, he is,” Ignatz answered for her. “He’s in there with Ingrid, Felix, and Dimitri. The rest of the students are in the halls… they’re not taking this well. Everyone’s beside themselves with worry. Those three are especially worried.” Ignatz rubbed circles in Hilda’s back to calm her down a bit. “He’s going to be okay, right?” Ignatz asked hesitantly, unsure of it himself. Byleth nodded before walking inside the student dorms.

He heard sniffling, crying, and slightly panicked voices echo in the hallway as the trio walked down the hallway leading towards the rooms. The Blue Lion rooms were on the bottom floor thankfully so there was no climbing stairs.

When they entered the hallway, the sight almost crushed his heart right then and there. He saw the students of all three houses talking in unison. Bernadetta was sobbing into the shoulder of Dorothea while the taller girl whispered in her ear to calm her. Annette was breathing erratically while Lysithea and Mercedes were on either side, rubbing circles into her back. Ashe was wringing his hands in worry, trying to find something to fiddle with before Dedue pulled out a fidget cube, giving it to his peer. Lorenz and Ferdinand stood against the hallway, speaking in even tones, but their eyes betrayed their fear. Caspar was sitting cross-legged on the floor, glaring a hole through it, probably frustrated with not being able to help while Linhardt sat next to him, patting his friend’s shoulder. Edelgard and Hubert stood off to the sides, with Edelgard reaching up to bite her nails before Hubert wordlessly grabs her hand and pushes it back down to her side. Leonie held Marianne’s hand as the blunette cried, helping ground the weeping girl. Raphael and Petra kept their hands busy by carving, but like Lorenz and Ferdinand, their eyes betrayed fear and anxiety.

They really do care about Sylvain a whole lot. 

The trio paused for a second before Byleth continued his stride towards Sylvain’s room, followed by Manuela, all of the students’ eyes pressed at his back. 

He opened the door and his heart dropped to the earth. There was Sylvain, pale as a ghost with Felix and Ingrid on opposite sides of his body and Dimitri standing above them all. They looked so terrified for their childhood friend. He closed the door behind him.

“How long since you found out he stopped breathing?” Manuela questioned, lapsing into her doctor mode, kneeling next to Sylvain. Felix spoke up, his voice hoarse. 

“Around 5 minutes ago. I came by to ask him something about tomorrow’s quiz since I knew he’s always up at ungodly hours and… he didn’t answer when I knocked. So I called him...three times and no answer. So I had Ashe lockpick his door and we found Sylvain like this.” Felix cleared his throat once he was done. Ingrid spoke up next.

“We found this inside his nightstand…” She was shaking as she passed an empty bottle of….sleeping pills.

“I-it was empty when we found it….w-we knew about his medications, but….we never thought….” Ingrid’s tears started flowing once more as she recalled the memories. 

“He’ll be fine if we hurry. Thankfully, these sleeping pills are a weaker brand than he normally gets, and the hospital is a short drive away from the university,” Manuela reported, standing up. 

“I’ll drive him,” Byleth affirmed. Felix and Ingrid stood up. 

“We’re going too,” Felix demanded, with no room for argument. “Please…” he added a pause later. Byleth simply nodded. He turned towards Dimitri who just nodded. 

“Don’t worry, Professor. I’ll do damage control here.” Byleth nodded once more, before leaning down so he could carry Sylvain on his back. 

They opened the door and entered the hallway. Rhea, Jeralt, and Seteth were at the other end. Once they heard the door, the entire hallway looked back at them. He could hear shocked gasps and low cursed being muttered. Byleth also took note that some of the students were crying again as well as a few new ones.

“All classes, seminars, and practices will be cancelled until further notice,” Rhea announced. Jeralt heaved a sigh.

“I doubt any of our professors or coaches would see any of you in your classes or practices anyway.” Byleth huffed a laugh despite the situation. He glanced up at Rhea and Jeralt and saw...Rhea wearing his dad’s old football jersey. Byleth just...stared at his dad for a second before his dad just looked away. Byleth was going to grill him later about that. But for now, he focused on leaving the university to get Sylvain as much help as he can. He could barely hear the voice of Seteth telling the other students to get some rest as he exited the building with Maneula, Ingrid, and Felix following.

The group crossed the parking lot, and piled into the Professor’s car. Ingrid, Felix, and Sylvain were in the back with Sylvain’s head in Ingrid’s lap and Felix holding onto the redhead’s legs.

Together they sped off into the night, praying to whoever would listen that Sylvain would pull through.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


**The Yeehaw Clan**

RedWhiz: can

RedWhiz: can anyone sleep

Singing in Bisexual: i doubt anyone can.

Dedue Sandstorm: I’m worried for Sylvain.

Orange Chie: i think it’s safe to say we all are, big guy…

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: it just sucks that we can’t even do anything!

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: it’s frustrating as hell

HungerMan: i know what you mean man…

LionBoi: Chin up, everyone. Sylvain wouldn’t want us to be moping about now. When he wakes up, he’s going to want us to be happy.

Horsesaremyfriends: Dimitri… please don’t try and lie to yourself...it’s not healthy.

LionBoil: Can’t hide anything from you, Marianne. Ha

LionBoi: Truth is, I’m terrified. I don’t want him to die. I’ve known him for so long. Ingrid and Felix known him for slightly longer. I never imagine he’d...do something like this...

BlondeWhiz: His smile hid so much pain. 

WhiteBunny: its never the people you expect.

DeerBoi: alright Hilda’s finally tuckered herself out. shes been so worried since she heard the news. Sylvain was like an dumb brother to her. hell i think he was that for most of us.

DeerBoi: but i digress. Ol string cheese is right. we gotta keep positive.

DeerBoi: sylvain will pull through. Count on it.

EagleGorl: Well said. I think you’re right, Claude.

DeerBoi: a compliment from the ice queen herself? i must be dreaming

EagleGorl: And you ruined it.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive was mostly silent save for the sniffles that came from Ingrid. Byleth glanced back at the students in his backseat. Sylvain was getting paler by the second. He had to hurry.

A minute later, he pulled up at the entrance into the ER. He saw a team already waiting for them. 

“I’d wager a guess that Rhea called ahead,” Manuela mused, unbuckling her seatbelt and stepping out. Byleth followed suit and assisted the crew with getting Sylvain on the gurney. Ingrid and Felix just watched as their friend was hoisted and carried away into the hospital, frozen in place.

“Go ahead inside. I’ll meet up with you after I park,” Byleth told them. Felix snapped out of his stupor and nodded, nudging Ingrid who followed. With that, Byleth got back in his car and drove into the lot to find a parking spot.

Byleth entered the waiting room a couple minutes later, and saw Felix sitting alone in a corner of the room. He couldn’t see Ingrid or his colleague anywhere. As he approached his student, Felix noticed the confused expression.

“Ingrid went to go clean herself up. She’s been crying all night. And Professor Manuela went with the doctors.” He explained. Byleth simply nodded and sat next to him.

They were silent for a bit, letting the ambiance of the emergency room take hold. Then, from his side, Byleth heard sniffling. Byleth went into alert and looked down at Felix. He was hunched over, and when he spoke up, his voice cracked.

“Why didn’t he tell us? Why would he do something this stupid?” Felix asked angrily to something or someone. For all of Byleth’s wisdom, he had no good answer.

“It’s...always the people who smile the brightest who are in the most pain. They don’t want to worry anyone with their burdens or worries, so they just keep it to themselves,” Byleth sighed, the adrenaline catching up to him.

“It’s stupid and selfish...he has friends. We could’ve helped.” Felix all but spat out. “We….I care about him…but don’t go telling people that.” Byleth smiled a bit. 

“Your secret is safe with me.” Byleth looked back towards an unoccupied wall. “But maybe...you need to tell him that yourself. Help him realize that what he has here now is important. Give him something to hold onto.” Felix had stopped to listen, letting the words sink in.

“Will he be okay after this?” Felix asked, almost meekly if he didn’t know any better.

“No. This will likely haunt him for the rest of his days,” Byleth’s eyes went foggy with distant memories. He shook his head out of it, looked at Felix once more, and placed a hand on his back. “But with his friends and loved ones, he’ll eventually become better.”

Felix looked up into his professor’s eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. And then he nodded. Byleth let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He had a gut feeling that it was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an annoying chapter to write mostly because I wanted FLUFF but noooooo I had jargon to write. Ah well
> 
> The chapter after this will have a lot more fluff and a little angst, but it'll be fine I swear!!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time!!


	8. Revival and Reconnecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally supposed to be longer and encapsulate a lot more, but once I got to the last sentence, I couldn't bring myself to continue this chapter. 
> 
> I think you'll understand why when you read this.
> 
> (and i promise that memes are just around the corner, just gotta resolve this arc!)
> 
> Anyway, here ya go!

The first thing that Sylvain realized when he woke up was that he wasn’t in his room anymore. For a second, he thought he had succeeded, but the scent of disinfectant and lemon filled his nostrils told him otherwise. Sylvain was very much in the hospital. He always felt uneasy in them. His older scars burned at the memories.

The second thing that Sylvain realized was that he wasn’t alone. As Sylvain opened his eyes, he took stock of what was around him. Ingrid and Felix were at his bedside, fast asleep with Ingrid laying her head on his bedside and Felix leaning back against the chair and wall, his mouth slightly parted as he snored softly. His heart soared when he saw that both of them were here, but it shattered a second later when he remembered what he did to get himself here.

The last thing that he realized was that his body felt like it got hit by a train. His insides felt like someone had stuck in an egg beater and turned it on high. His head was throbbing like someone had smashed it in with a sledgehammer. Sylvain got the distinct feeling that he wasn’t supposed to be alive, and that he “lucked out” and was saved before anything worse happened. 

“Ah, you’re awake,” Sylvain jumped with a start at the new voice that reached his ears. Across from his bed was Dimitri. He looked exhausted with worry and grief. Deep purple bags dragged down his lower eyelids, but his eyes were the most daunting. They were filled with relief and peace at the sight of his friend, but there was something else underneath the surface of that. Sylvain couldn’t quite place what it was.

“I sure am,” Sylvain chuckled lightly, lowering his voice as to not wake their sleeping friends. Dimitri smiled, but there was no mirth behind it.

“You scared a lot of people, Sylvain,” Dimitri said, his voice soft. Sylvain rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Oh, come on now, Dimi. I couldn’t have worried  _ that  _ many people,” Sylvain deflected. Dimitri actually looked hurt when Sylvain said that, and Sylvain wished he could bite his tongue off. 

“Hilda was in hysterics when she found out, Annette was hyperventilating, and hell, even Edelgard was breaking into her old habits again,” Sylvain’s mouth dropped as Dimitri explained what had taken place. He couldn’t believe it. “The only two who acted considerably worse was those two.” Dimitri gestured towards their sleeping friends. “Ingrid was performing CPR like a madwoman, tears pouring down her face. Felix could hardly even move. His face was full of terror. I just about had to slap him to get him to wake up,” Dimitri finished with a heavy sigh. He looked back up to Sylvain’s eyes, and Sylvain figured out exactly what his eyes conveyed: familiarity and regret. 

“Oh…” Sylvain said dumbly. He hadn’t realized that his friends cared that much about him. The chair across from the bed creaked as Dimitri stood up, his joints popping and cracking.

“I better get back to campus and tell everyone in person that you’re okay,” Dimitri started as he opened the door to the hallway. “You should check your messages when you get the chance. I think you’ll be surprised.” Dimitri smiled once more, and winked at his friend before leaving, closing the door behind him. Sylvain reached for his phone, scrolling through the numerous messages that plagued. He had one from practically everyone at the university. Everyone wishing him well with long heartfelt messages. He also noticed how he was added back into the support group chat. Dimitri, Lysithea, Marianne, and Bernadetta all mentioned how they were all there for him, that he can share whenever he’s ready. Even Professor Byleth and Principal Rhea said that their offices were open to him if need be. Sylvain felt himself smile despite his current situation. He couldn’t believe that all these people genuinely cared for his good-for-nothing self. It...was nice for a change.

Sylvain saw mild shifting from Ingrid and Felix as they started to arouse from their slumber. Sylvain couldn’t help but just about coo at how adorable his two friends looked when they were waking up. Ingrid yawning like a tiny puppy would yawn while Felix lazily blinked the sleep from his eyes much like a cat. 

Where did that come from? He wondered.

As if on cue, they both looked at Sylvain, stared for a second, processing what they were seeing, and then their eyes snapping open.

“Sylvain!” They exclaimed. He winced a little bit as his headache roared once more. 

“H-hey guys, miss me?” Sylvain said sheepishly. Ingrid practically tackled him into a hug, sobbing into his hospital gown while Felix stared at him, annoyance on full display.

“You dumbass! Of course we did!” Felix snapped.

“W-We thought we l-lost you!” Ingrid gasped between sobs. Sylvain’s lips turned downwards into a soft frown. He put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed, pulling her closer.

“I’m...okay. I’m alive. I’m here,” Sylvain said to the both of them. Had Ingrid always felt this nice? Hard to say.

“You were incredibly selfish, Sylvain,” Felix bluntly stated. Sylvain raised his head to start a witty retort at his long time friend, but it died on his tongue. When the redhead met Felix’s eyes, he felt his heart crack in two. Felix’s brown, almost-orange eyes shined with unshed tears, his normally annoyed frown replaced with a near watery frown, and above it all, Felix was shaking ever so slightly. Sylvain gulped harshly, his own emotions slowly getting the better of him. 

“Yeah...yeah I was, wasn’t I?” Sylvain’s voice broke slightly. A stray tear leaked from his left eye, then his right. Finally, the dam broke and the rest came cascading freely down his cheeks, his body shuddering with his sobs. Ingrid just held him tighter, crying her own tears into his gown. Felix stood for a second before hugging Sylvain’s head into his chest. Sylvain’s sobs were punctuated with apologies as the trio held each other. Never wanting to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these three so much. They're honestly so interesting and I could go on for hours about how Sylvain is such dynamic subversion of a his usual character trope. Mayhaps I'll explore his whole schtick at some point in another fic :eyes:
> 
> I can safely say that the next chapter will cap off this particular arc, and then I'll going back to more memes and shitposting with the group!! (and mayhaps confirming more romances hehehe) 
> 
> But tata for now!!


	9. Admittance and Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain admits his fears, and realizes some feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The last chapter of Sylvain's angst arc!!
> 
> I won't waste time telling you a bunch of things, so I'll wait until the end chapter notes!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Sylvain, Ingrid, and Felix broke their hug a few minutes of just letting their emotions run out of them. Sylvain found himself missing the contact. Weird.

“You know, you should text in the main chat to let everyone know that you’re okay,” Ingrid suggested, using a tissue to clean herself up and blow her nose.

“She has a point. They’re probably worried sick about you,” Felix said as he discreetly wiped a stray tear from his eye. Sylvain decided to ignore it.

“Yeah, you guys are right. I’ll let them know,” Sylvain agreed, grabbing his phone, opening the camera app, and snapping a quick selfie before typing in the group chat.

  
  


RedheadedHotBoi has sent a photo!

RedheadedHotBoi: i lived bitches

  
  


“You’re such a moron,” Felix said, rolling his eyes, lacking any real bite to his words while Ingrid giggled to herself.

“Of course, you’d quote a meme.” Ingrid shook her head, a smile gracing her lips.

“Would you expect anything less from me?” Sylvain gave a hearty laugh. He glanced at his two childhood friends. He felt a sort of tug at his heart. He couldn’t really explain it. He brushed it off.

  
  


RedWhiz: SYLVAIN!!!!!!!   
  


Caspar the Friendly Fighter: BRO!!!!!!!!

Chivalry is Not Dead: Oh! It’s nice to see that you’re okay!!

Pretty in Pink: omg of course he’d quote a dumb meme

DeerBoi: yeah, he wouldn’t be sylvain without it! missed ya buddy!

Hubert: Edelgard has been worrying herself sick. It’s nice to know that she can stop biting her nails again

Purple Recluse: youre okay! thats good!

EagleGorl: Hubert, please.

EagleGorl: I must admit, I was very worried. It’s nice to see you alive and well :)   
  


Dedue Sandstorm: It’s good to see you again, Sylvain :)

BlondeWhiz: You’re okay!! We’re so happy to see that!!

Sleepy in Seattle: great to see you memeing again, sylvain. its nice

HungerMan: SYLVAIN!!! BRO!! YOURE BACK!! :)))))))

GreenPainter: Hooray! You’re alright!

Starfire: It is pleasing to see you are here again! :)

LionBoi: Ah! You’re awake! Welcome back, old friend!

IamFerdinand: Good! Now I have both of my riding partners back at last! It’s good to hear from you, fellow redhead!

NobleLorenz: I must say that it’s wonderful that you’re okay, Sylvain

Horsesaremyfriends: yyoure okay...that makes me happy,,

WhiteBunny: good to see you’re back

Orange Chie: welcome back! We missed ya!!

  
  


Sylvain’s eyes started tearing up, seeing all the positive messages he was receiving from his classmates. They genuinely cared about and loved him. It was pretty hard to believe. He felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Ingrid and Felix looking at him with fondness.

“It’s real. They care about you. Just like us,” Felix stated, a small smile on his face. Sylvain huffed a breath in mild disbelief. 

“Y-yeah..it’s pretty nice..” Sylvain admitted. He wasn’t really used to this sort of kindness from anyone. It was unusual. He’d definitely have to talk to the support group after this.

  
  


RedheadedHotBoi: yeah yeah i know. I’m pretty great ;)

I Studied the Blade: don’t believe him, this bitch was crying three minutes ago

RedheadedHotBoi: felix you wound me

Flying High: boys you’re both pretty

Singing in Bisexual: and just like that we’re back to the old times!!

DeerBoi: i gotta say, it’s real nice.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: now that sylvain’s okay again i can finally ask

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: WHO TOOK ALL MY FUCKIN IRON

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: THERE IS SO MUCH IN THE SHARED FORGE SO WHY TAKE MINE!!! >:((((((((

NobleLorenz: Let it be a lesson to not trip tall people just because they’re tall.

WhiteBunny: fuk u lorenz

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: i swear im gonna find you in game and smack you down

EagleGorl: I might join you. Short people must band together. 

IamFerdiand: Now it’s going to be a massacre. Hope you’re ready, Lorenz

NobleLorenz: I’d like to see them try, for I am Lorenz Hellman Gloucester!!

Sylvain chuckled as the groupchat descended into madness once more. It was good to see the chat as lively as it used to be. He heard rustling next to him and saw Ingrid and Felix collecting their things.

“Awww! Are you two tired of me already?” Sylvain joked, letting a laugh break out. Ingrid and Felix rolled their eyes in sync.

“You’re hilarious. The doctors need to keep you here longer so they can make sure that you’re okay,” Ingrid explained. “We need to go back to campus to change and shower.” Felix nodded at her side. Sylvain felt heat in his cheeks as he looked at them. They both looked so tired, but so cute. What’s going on with him?

“Don’t hesitate to call us if something goes wrong. And the professor is down in the waiting room, ready to take you back to campus.” Felix stated bluntly, his eyes burrowing into Sylvain’s. They turned to leave. As Ingrid crossed the threshold, Felix turned back towards his childhood friend. “We’re your friends, Sylvain. You don’t need to bottle it in.” He didn’t wait on Sylvain before shutting the door behind him, leaving Sylvain alone with his thoughts once more. 

He hummed to himself as he thought about Ingrid and Felix. What were these new...feelings? Felix was rough and blunt and harsh, but there was a gentleness when he talked about his hobbies or talking to someone like Annette or Bernadetta. Then there was Ingrid. She was fierce, hungry, and driven. It’s what made most men veer away from her. Not that she cared, she wasn’t that much into finding someone to settle down with. Both of his friends cared in their own special ways. Ingrid being somewhat of a big sister as she scolded Sylvain for his skirt chasing ways. Felix being blunt and insulting him for not being more careful or something similar. As Sylvain continued to think about his friends, he slowly began to realize something.

He liked them. A lot. In a romantic way. 

“Oh shit…” he muttered to himself. It all made sense now. He  _ liked  _ them. It’s all he could think about now. How nice it must be to play with Felix’s hair or to have Ingrid rub his back after a long day or holding Felix close during a cold day or Ingrid holding his hand. Sylvain’s face felt like it was going to catch on fire. He wasn’t used to being this incredibly soft when thinking about those two. After a moment, the thoughts subsided and was replaced by an old, ugly one: “They don’t like you for you. Only your inheritance.” Sylvain smiled a sad smile to himself. Of course it had to be right. There’s no way that they’d like him back. No way at all.

At that moment, he got a message from the support group.

  
  


LionBoi: Sylvain, you’ve been quiet, are you alright?

  
  


Sylvain could almost laugh at his friend’s impeccable timing. 

  
  


RedheadedHotBoi: yeah im okay. Just thinking.

WhiteBunny: hm? about what? 

WhiteBunny: dont feel pressured to share if you dont want to though.

Purple Recluse: yyeah! only if you want to.

LionBoi: We’ll be here for you either way, Sylvain.

Horsearemyfriends: Because we care.

  
  


Sylvain huffed a humorless laugh. Maybe it was time for someone else to know.

  
  


RedheadedHotBoi: i think it’s time to come clean. 

Purple Recluse: take your time

RedheadedHotBoi: alright. And uh...please dont say anything until after. I need to do this in one shot

WhiteBunny: you got it.

  
  


Sylvain took a deep breath and began typing.

RedheadedHotBoi: I’m the heir to the Gautier fortune. but i wasnt always next in line. it used to be my older brother miklan. he was next in line and i was just gonna do whatever i wanted to. but thats not what happened.

RedheadedHotBoi: see, my brother was a bit of a partier and part time drunkard. and it was no secret that he was supposed to be the heir seeing how my dad paraded it around the news and shit

RedheadedHotBoi: im sure you all heard a year ago when my brother was disowned because of a party miklan threw that ended up costing the company millions in repairs and legal fees. 

RedheadedHotBoi: after that i was dubbed the new heir of the company. since that day my brother has relentlessly harassed, stalked, and abused me in more ways than one. It got really bad and sent me into a depression. I told dad but he didn’t seem to believe me

RedheadedHotBoi: those cuts on my arms a couple days ago were because miklan had found my number again and threatened me. i coped. 

RedheadedHotBoi: the reason i decided to...y’know was because he sent me a letter with a photo of me on campus. I was terrified so...i panicked and we’re here now.

RedheadedHotBoi: so yeah. thats essentially it.

Horsesaremyfriends: oh sylvain...thank you for telling us. It was very brave.

Purple Recluse: iif you wantt i can make you a plushie??? It helps me with stuff like that….

LionBoi: We’re here for you, friend. I will have the legal team from my company see to it that we can get a restraining order or even an arrest warrent.

WhiteBunny: im getting you some cake when you get back. No excuses.

RedheadedHotBoi: you dont

RedheadedHotBoi: thanks guys. I mean it. 

LionBoi: It’s what friends are for, Sylvain. 

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


“You know, you two didn’t have to wait with me,” Byleth stated to his two companions sitting on either side of him. 

“Nonsense! We’re happy to be here to support you!” an eager man sitting on his right responded. It was Security Officer Kyle, not sporting his usual watchman attire and instead sporting a pair of cargo shorts that showed off his toned legs and a white tee shirt that showed his rather sculpted chest. 

“Kyle is right, dear. You’ve got to have some people looking out for you,” a shorter, green-haired woman said on his left. Sothis was wearing a pair of jean shorts that cut off mid thigh and a tank top that hugged her torso. Byleth cursed his bisexuality.

“And I’m grateful to the both of you, but I can take care of myself,” Byleth huffed. He was met by silence as his friends (he needed to figure out just what they were to him) gave him a look. “Oh, stuff it.” 

“It happens! It just means you care a lot about these kids,” Kyle patted Byleth’s knee, flashing a 100-watt smile. 

“Well said, Kyle!” Sothis giggled. “You just need to be more mindful sometimes, Bylie.” Byleth felt his ears heat up at the sound of the nickname they gave him. He didn’t even notice Kyle and Sothis sharing a wink.

Their conversation came to a halt as Sylvain’s doctor came up to them, and they stood to greet her.

“I’ve just finished the last tests on Sylvain, and he’s free to go,” She gave the trio a nice smile and they collectively sighed a breath of relief. Sylvain was going to be okay. “However, since the nature of his condition was self-inflicted, I must ask: will he be receiving aid such as counseling or therapy?” Byleth cleared his throat.

“The university will be paying in full the expenses of his therapy and counseling sessions. His safety and comfort is our top priority,” Byleth replied professionally. The doctor smiled and nodded in acceptance. 

“Let’s get those papers signed then, shall we?” With a glance between Sothis and Kyle, he nodded and followed the doctor, ready to get Sylvain back at Garreg Mach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, that's a wild one, huh? (and yes that is Gatekeeper-kun! I named him Kyle in reference to his VAs name!!)
> 
> Throwing some fluff your way should be enough to be forgiven???? right????
> 
> Anyways, time for cleaning house stuff!
> 
> There will be a timeskip in the next chapter! It'll just be like a week or so after Sylvain's returned and everything is back to semi normal. Which then we'll have dumb jokes, thirsting for the professor, and some fluff with some ships.
> 
> Oh yeah. There is gonna be some *flirtation* happenin and confirmation of a couple of relationships ;3
> 
> But! I'm probs gonna let this one sizzle a little bit while I work on a Guardian Moon Lament and Second Try!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! See ya next time!!


	10. Leonie Forgets To Open DMs First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets are revealed in a dumbass way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Time for an update! 
> 
> There's been a bit of a timeskip (like a couple of days) from the last chapter to this chapter! I got tired of writing angst for now and I didn't want to have everyone moping around Sylvain! So lighthearted fluff!!
> 
> See you at the bottom! Enjoy!

**Ferdinand’s Nandos**

  
  


OrangeChie: Igggyyyyyyy where are you~? i’m looking forward to our...painting session~<3

OrangeChie: ah. this is not dms

OrangeChie: shit

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: IGGY?!!?

Pretty in Pink: PAINTING SESSION!?

Singing in Bisexual: ooooo how scandalous~!

DeerBoi: WHOA there are CHILDREN here!

NobleLorenz: Claude, darling, who are the children? 

DeerBoi: lysithea, bernie, ashe and annette of course, duh.

DeerBoi: Also….darling :eyes:

NobleLorenz: i must go 

WhiteBunny: i’ll gouge your arms from their sockets

GreenPainter: I’ll be there soon, my lioness! I just need to finish preparing the tools! <3

Caspar the Friendly Fighter:  _ LIONESS!?!?!? _

Pretty in Pink:  _ TOOLS!?!? _

Horsesaremyfriends:......hot.

Singing in Bisexual: marianne omg

OrangeChie: Honey, this is the groupchat

Caspar the Friendly Fighter:  ** _HONEY?!_ **

Pretty in Pink:  ** _HONEY!?_ **

GreenPainter: ah

GreenPainter: It seems so!

GreenPainter: I’m very sorry everyone!!! I apologize for my behavior!

HungerMan: dont sweat it, ignatz! ill handle this! you and leo have fun!

OrangeChie: remind me to cook you some fish later, raphael

GreenPainter: Thank you, my friend! I appreciate it!

HungerMan: no prob!

HungerMan: so im sure you have questions

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: uh YEAH we do

Pretty in Pink: First off, those two are dating!?

HungerMan: yeah! Three months now!

RedheadedHotBoi: i wish that were me :sadyeehaw:

Flying High: ur hopeless

I Studied the Blade: dumbass.

DeerBoi: cant believe yall havent realized it already 

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: oh come on claude, there’s no way you knew before the rest of us

DeerBoi: i have my ways, by blue haired friend ;3

Dedue Sandstorm: I do not like that face. It exudes mischief. 

EagleGorl: I agree. Claude is one for….mischeivous things

DeerBoi: right through the heart you two.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: why didn’t they tell us?

HungerMan: oh! mostly because they weren’t entirely ready to go public yet! 

Pretty in Pink: yeah that makes sense lmao

EagleGorl: Knowing how...excitable we get, I can understand keeping a relationship under wraps for the time being.

Caspar the Friendly Ghost: yeah! Thats the reason lin, ashe and i havent announced our dating!

RedheadedHotBoi: uhhhhh pretty sure you just did.

Sleepy in Seattle: well cats out of the bag

Chivalry Is Not Dead: Oh goodness! Can’t say I’m too surprised!

IamFerdinand: HA! I was right! Pay up, Dorothea!

Singing in Bisexual: god DAMMIT fine I’ll give you ten diamonds.

Caspar the Friendly Fighter: oh shit! Im sorry guys :((((

Chivalry is Not Dead: Hey now! It’s okay! It was bound to get out sooner or later!

Sleepy in Seattle: its chill, baby blue. come over so ashe and i can cuddle you.

RedheadedHotBoi: damn i wish that was me.

I Studied the Blade: tch. as if.

Flying High: like that could ever happen

WhiteBunny: damn shot twice

Dedue Sandstorm: I think the appropriate response is this

Dedue Sandstorm: F

HungerMan: F!

LionBoi: F to my old friend

RedheadedHotBoi: thank you very much you three. i will now lie down in my grave

* * *

**Rhea’s Bitches**

Your Boss: Hm. It is time to figure things out.

Bearalt: this can’t be good…

Your Boss: @Professor X @Green Goblin

Seteth: Rhea? What are you doing?

Your Boss: Getting answers.

Professor X: Yes, Principal Rhea? What can I do for you?

Green Goblin: Rhea? Why are you pinging me?

Your Boss: So. I’ve heard rumors. 

Professor X: Um. Whatever do you mean?

Green Goblin: You...might have to be more specific

Cyriously?: Shouldn’t we stop this?

Fishy Flayn: Heavens no! It’s getting good!

Your Boss: Are you two dating each other and that security officer?

Green Goblin: His name is Kyle

Professor X: His name is Kyle

Siren’s Song: oh DAMN

Shamir’s Jock GF: ohhhhh shit

Your Boss: >:3 Checkmate!

Professor X: Okay, okay. You got us I’m dating Sothis and Kyle.

Green Goblin: And before you protest: They’re really kind and beautiful people! They wouldn’t do anything to hurt me or each other! And I won’t let you come between us!

Professor X: Sothis…. :)

Catherine’s Goth GF: please cease. Ill get cavities.

Fishy Flayn: AWWWWWW!! How sweet!!!!!

Your Boss: Relax, Sothis. I’m not going to do anything! (Jeralt would have a fit) I’m just happy for the three of you. 

Bearalt: jesus. I need a drink.

Your Boss: Besides, I’m not the one you should worry about, “Bylie”

Professor X: Oh?

Seteth: Ah Professor! It’s so  _ kind _ of you to accompany me to a meeting RIGHT NOW! Be sure to bring Security Officer Kyle as well :)

Fishy Flayn: oh no! Father has used...an emoticon….it is truly the end times

Siren’s Song: rip

Shamir’s Jock GF: rest in peace byleth

Green Goblin: UNCLE!!!!!!

Professor X: Green tea, I’m sure it’s okay. Kyle and I will be fine

Bearalt: my poor dumb son. May he rest in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right bitches. THREE MORE CONFIRMED RELATIONSHIPS
> 
> BOOOOOM!! 
> 
> These ships I hold close to my heart cause I wuv them :3
> 
> Anyway, this is what im gonna call "relationship arc" or "Byleth gets bullied by the students about who he dates"
> 
> It's gonna be FUN!!
> 
> Anyhow, thanks for reading! Seeya next time!!

**Author's Note:**

> 100% the minecraft idea was from the Seteth says bit. Relationships may or may not come into play in the future. I'm not sure how I want them to play out juuuuuuust yet so we'll see! Seeya next chapter!


End file.
